Hi, I am here to critique your work on behalf of


I have to be honest that I was glad to find one of your poems in the gallery, because I really enjoy the way you write.
Once again in this poem you show some really strong control over imagery. I particularly liked 'god-hands'; for me that was easily the strongest line in the poem.

I personally felt like the middle stanza suffered somewhat from your decision to use longer lines; though the imagery is very strong, it seems a little overstretched. Try re-reading the poem aloud to see what I mean: you can feel it especially in the final line of the stanza, but it also seems to want for a break (or a breath) after 'god-hands' itself. Possibly look at playing with enjambment to control the poem's pace, though it has the bonus effect of making it appear more interesting on the page, too. I played around with it here:

'Hooks longing for her ribcage

embrace; god-hands

that can't seem to keep to themselves

grapple the gargoyle exterior of her frame.'

(I dropped 'deflowered' from the final line partly because it felt a little elongated and partly because that word just kind of grates on me; it feels a little too "poemy". Obviously it's important to the context of the poem but since you've already described her as "gargoyle"-like - and gargoyles are NEVER thought of as new or pristine - you might be able to get away with it. Similarly I'd maybe reconsider 'carry my seed' in the final line: it feels a little directly sexual, colloquial and maybe even a little cliched when compared to the language in the rest of the poem. Wow, long brackets right here.)

I like the use of brackets to insert not only a distinct voice into the poem, but a bit of context as well. I'd look at pushing this even further though: although the imagery is very interesting, I couldn't help but feel a little...adrift when reading it. It's something I often struggle with in my own poetry, especially if it's a piece I've redrafted several times; you become so confident in what you're conveying that the message can become a little murky to the actual reader. It's not necessarily a bad thing; a little ambiguity in a poem is generally what I find most interesting, but in this piece I think you've given yourself the opportunity to properly contextualise it without compromising the...artistry of the poem.

I hope you found this useful and please do remember a lot of this critique is coloured by personal preference; in no way am I trying to suggest the parts I mentioned are at all bad or wrong. Apologies if it feels like I've only focused on things that could improve, but I consider this to be a very strong poem that really just needs a little tinkering.

- Sam.