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I've got a filthy mouth,
& a house of stars
thriving in my throat.

21 years
silent

& I still have yet to tame
this grounded constellation
I call my temple. -Slithering
tongue hissing too many
"fuck you's" against my teeth.

I fear I will write myself hollow-
or until my bones are corroded away

& I am nothing-
an insignificant nebula
orbiting the wrong atmosphere.

But, my veins bleed sweet ichor,

& words are only words, Mother.
"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." - Sophia Loren

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:iconlovelyz:
Beautiful Piece. Simply Beautiful. I loved reading this. It caught my attention and stuck with it
The first paragraph
"I've got a filthy mouth,
& a house of stars
thriving in my throat."
This really caught my attention, just the use and place of words. The house of stars kept my mind thinking and the thriving in my throat made a great touch to the end
"21 years
silent"
Makes you wonder how this came up. You simply could have said "I have been Silent" but instead you made it all more interesting.
"& I still have yet to tame
this grounded constellation
I call my temple. -Slithering
tongue hissing too many
"fuck you's" against my teeth"
The first sentence of this paragraph caught my eye immediately. Is was used perfectly. And then the slithering tongue was a great touch too tell that you were mad
"I fear I will write myself hollow-
or until my bones are corroded away"
Beautiful paragraph that really gave feeling and passion
"& I am nothing-
an insignificant nebula
orbiting the wrong atmosphere"
I loved this paragraph also, but I disagree. You are not nothing, though it was used perfectly in this poem. I believe that you are not nothing, you are a beautiful poet
"But my veins bleed sweet ichor"
This was a great big time ending sentence, making the blood title beautiful.
"& words are only words, Mother"
A true and beautiful statement. And words are only words.

But your words in this poem were beautiful and have touched me. I hope to critic and read more of your poetry soon.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconsvalaw:
SvalaW Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The title and first stanza immideately attracted me to read this poem. I like how you play with images of night-sky and mash them together with images of a body. It's really interesting and well done.
And the line that touched me most is "I fear I will write myself hollow" because that's how I feel quite often, though I never managed to put it into such perfect words as you.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I do fear that a lot.
I think that one of these days I am going to run out of words,
and not know what to do with myself.
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
"I've got a filthy mouth,
& a house of stars
thriving in my throat.

21 years
silent"

i love this piece. <3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconwr0:
wr0 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
---E Awesome!!~ Especially the fifth and sixth stanzas.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconwr0:
wr0 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
---E You're welcome!~
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
How do you do it? Bravo.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have no idea. -_-;
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'd guess it's natural process.
Reply
:icondepressedlolipop:
DepressedLolipop Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
that is an amazing poem!!!!!!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :D
Reply
:iconjazy2kool:
Jazy2kool Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is very beautiful! Very impressive! Muah! :kiss:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I feel the same way about my words... If I'm understanding this correctly. One day I'll have said/written too many and I will be empty. My words will no longer have meaning.

How many different ways can I say, "I hate myself," in rhymes and rhythm?
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Eventually we all run out of things to say.
Reply
:iconvlemode:
Vlemode Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Haaa it's how I feel onside, maybe some won't comprehend but we are just another insignificant thing that has no more point than being their selfs love it :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconartgeek99:
artgeek99 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Was this poem inspired by the quote? This is beautiful (:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Actually no.
Personal experience.

Thank you!
Reply
:iconartgeek99:
artgeek99 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well that's fantastic ((: Experience is the best inspiration.
No problem!
Reply
:iconmadameshadowenn:
madameshadowenn Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really enjoyed reading this; I think your imagery is stunning :)

"21 years
silent"
Is a little like how I am, always trying to censor myself.

"I fear I will write myself hollow - "
I love this line.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much.
Glad you liked my word choice! :)
Reply
:iconop1ateddreems:
OP1atedDreems Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Writer
wow. i love the first stanza. it hooked me in deep [and i enjoyed every part til the end]. this an astonishing bit of words you have here. well done.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconop1ateddreems:
OP1atedDreems Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
no problem.
Reply
:iconrvish:
rvish Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
(Y) awesome
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconrvish:
rvish Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Reply
:icontheinkheart:
TheInkheart Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really love this one, too! :love: How you added the star details into it were beautiful and the poem itself was just... Awesome! :D I love the slithering tongue and its sayings, haha! :hug:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love stars. lol
Thank you. :D
Reply
:icontheinkheart:
TheInkheart Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Me too. :D And you're welcome! :hug:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icontheinkheart:
TheInkheart Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconnarryaque:
Narryaque Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
This reminds me of how I feel sometimes, how silenced I've felt from others. Stifled.
As soon as I finished reading, it struck me! This is true poetry.
My favorite lines:

"21 years
silent

& I still have yet to tame
this grounded constellation
I call my temple. -Slithering
tongue hissing too many
"fuck you's" against my teeth...

...But, my veins bleed sweet ichor,
and words are only words, Mother."

To say something like "Wonderful job" would be an understatement!
<3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What makes a poem 'true poetry' exactly?
Thank you for the compliment! :)
Reply
:iconnarryaque:
Narryaque Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
You're very welcome! <3
The way i see it, and the way i meant it to you, "true poetry" is explaining something without actually spelling it out. The moment i finished reading your poem, i had an idea of what it could be about. That's what i meant. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, that is the kind of poetry I like.
I don't have to explain anything,
my words speak for themselves. :)
Reply
:iconnarryaque:
Narryaque Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Indeed, they do :)
<3
Reply
:iconcolor-sekai:
color-sekai Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
wow... this is amazing :')
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconcolor-sekai:
color-sekai Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
anytime! ^^
Reply
:iconichihitsufangirl:
IchiHitsuFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You have left me speechless. No arty words or melodious tones today. It's simply amazing.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: Thank you!
Reply
:iconichihitsufangirl:
IchiHitsuFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're always welcome.

So long's you keep writing that is 😄
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'll try. :)
Reply
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November 13, 2012
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