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Old classics,
lilac air-fresheners,
the half cup of
peppermint ice cream
that’s been
sitting in your freezer
for weeks, and cat litter.

He won’t eat anymore,
but there are
piles and piles
of dirty dishes
sitting in the sink.

He’s slowly
disintegrating
before your eyes.

You can wrap
your whole self
around his tiny bones
now.

You can hold him
like he used to hold you
all those years ago.

And you are angry.
You try to find
someone,
or something
to blame.

You hate doctors,
and you hate
November now.

November means
birthdays, diagnoses,
chemo treatments,
and realization.

You have to force yourself
to stop crying,
every day.

This is the one person
who’s always had faith
in you.

He’s read every poem
and hoarded every award
you ever won.

You ignore statistics,
because roses
they always
smell nicer.
This is the worst poem I've ever written, I think.
I'm too emotional. I can't think.
But I recorded a reading:
soundcloud.com/dearpoetry/canc…
( Sorry my voice is all shaky and I'm trying not to cry. )
Add a Comment:
 
:iconceceliawolf:
CeceliaWolf Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you...  just thank you.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you wherever you are.
This poem is beautiful and it attests to all the emotions you feel.

There are no words to tell you how much happiness I wish for you.
I hope that you all pull through.
Reply
:iconcherryspringles:
CherrySpringles Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I'm crying with this..
Reply
:iconmorrigan94:
Morrigan94 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
so sad :( (Sad) ,I want to hug you Hug 
Reply
:iconnyuuh:
Nyuuh Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
I don't know if you'd appreciate some feedback. If it doesn't interest you, don't read my comment.
First of all, this poem isn't bad. It's packed with emotions, and every single person that reads it can see it. It's my first time reading your words and I can assure you this poem makes me want to read more of your stuff.
I'm going to try to explain the only thing I don't really like personally.
"And you are angry.
You try to find
someone,
or something
to blame.

You hate doctors,
and you hate
November now."
In this part, I think the first stanza isn't necessary. When I read the second, I understand that your hate of doctors is caused by your need to blame someone, the first stanza seems to be an unnecessary introduction. Well, I just think it adds a heavy repetition. My opinion though, ignore it if you want. I really like the fact that you specify a month though. Makes it feel even more real. Makes it feel alive and not just facts. Really adds a new demension.

The rest is great, it has personnality and originality. It feels like... somehow "you know what you're saying", you're not just stating obvious facts about cancer, you're just telling us how you're feeling. Feels authentic.

Thanks for sharing this inspiring piece.
Hope you're okay.
Reply
:iconcecegrace:
cecegrace Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My heart goes out to you.
Reply
:iconmagneticecho:
magneticecho Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with darksonicsoul; this is certainly not the worst. I don't think there is a 'worst' in your poems because they're all gorgeous. This is just as gorgeous. I think it's very good. I can understand what you're feeling just by reading words you've written... Not saying I can feel it too, but it's as if I can see your emotions the way you can see animals through the glass in a zoo. Or something like that. It's really pretty.
Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014
This is certainly NOT the worst poem you've written! In fact its one of the best because it like a lol the others , it comes from the heart.  I'm sorry you have to go through something like this but just know that I and the rest of your fans on this site are hear for ya .
Reply
:iconalpacasrcute:
alpacasrcute Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014
I wish that cancer would get cancer and die.it stole my mum and it stole my nana
Reply
:iconashleydadabbler:
AshleyDaDabbler Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014
Sometimes the writing we think is the worst turns out to be the best of us.

Do you think it's not as good as your other work because it lacks your usual literary flourish? Honestly, there are times when I read your stuff, and- don't get me wrong- you have a fantastic writing style, but I think sometimes your truths get lost in how you present them. 

In this poem, the truth is naked; vulnerable. However, it is from the vulnerability and your decision to show your fragility and love of the person you have immortalized through this poem, that it gains it's strength.
Reply
:iconashleydadabbler:
AshleyDaDabbler Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014
Also, you have my sympathies for your situation.
Reply
:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
How can I help you?
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm close to tears right now. My grandfather had cancer for almost a year, and he alwasy buys peppermint ice cram for me and he was diagnosed in the fall too and holy shit, please, never stop writing. Jesus Christ, thank you for this poem. Thank you.
Reply
:iconwriterandpoet:
WRITERandPOET Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student Writer
I'm crying. My best friend's dad died the same way.
Reply
:iconfall-like-angels:
Fall-Like-Angels Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish i could say that i managed to not cry. But that is a lie. I was crying from the second stanza on. Because i remember all these thoughts, and being to young and to confused to explain them.

This is beautiful. Truly beautiful.
Reply
:iconaerithechidna4rt:
AerithEchidna4rt Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my...This is so...Beautiful. Emotional. It's just, wow...
Reply
:iconsapidanoesis:
SapidAnoesis Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Student General Artist
I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain, if only a little, but I have a feeling life isn't kind enough for that.
But I am crying for you. I am so, so sorry. 
Reply
:iconcmfj-4lif3:
CMFJ-4Lif3 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Student General Artist
That is so beautiful...
I got teary ;o; you poor darling. I want to hug you.

:hug:
Reply
:iconcecilyrosemidnight:
CecilyRoseMidnight Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I can really relate to this poem... My father died in March 2013, and sometimes I can still smell death in this house. And for myself, and maybe others who have lost a person to cancer, we lost our ability to talk about it, or write about it. Because in cancer, you don't have a voice, you're mute- even if you aren't the victim. So thank you for sharing yours. :)
Reply
:iconearthy-rah:
earthy-rah Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014   Writer
If you don't mind, I'd like to share. The only person I could think of while reading this is my grandmother. She's a poet, as are my mother and I. She lost her husband in '94 to cancer, around November, too. She also lost her parents in the November-December timeframe. Anyway, I'd to say that this is very raw, very powerful, and very moving. I wish you the best. <3
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Student Writer
Oh. Jeez. I'm not crying, what? I'm just sweating from my eyes. After cutting 9,949,394,893,284,023 onions. Yup. :cries:

plus it doesn't help that i'm reading this right after i finished the fault in our stars. thanks. :P
Reply
:iconh-d-s:
h-d-s Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student General Artist
You made me cry, but in a good way. I lost my mom in 09 to breast cancer. I miss her. Thanks for sharing this poem.
Reply
:iconghostfawn:
GhostFawn Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think this poem is very fantastic. It has lots of emotion and feeling, I love it, it really spoke to me. I hope you feel better soon and all wishes to you and your family.  
Reply
:iconperfectlydisturbed:
PerfectlyDisturbed Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is my father in law.. And it's beautifully written..
Reply
:icondietcocaine:
dietcocaine Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014   Writer
Emotion is the heart, blood, and soul of poetry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. This is beautiful, and so are you.
Reply
:iconm-gray-m:
M-Gray-M Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is absolutely beautiful, and absolutely touching. I am so, so sorry, and I'm sorry that I have to say sorry, because we all know sorry is perhaps one of the more unwelcome words out there. But I truly am, and I wish you the best in the world.
Reply
:iconlmonlimecat:
LmonLimeCat Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
I don't want to know what it's like to go through that, I'm really really sorry :( . My grandpa died from cancer when I was young, and his death didn't strike a cord in me until we went to his funeral, and poured sand upon his coffin (because he loved to travel, he visited towns in the Sahara on trips as a vet). I hate cancer, I really do. It took away my friend's mother when she was fatherless and only 14. I wish you every single scrap of luck out there ok?
Reply
:iconsilentxoxscramer:
SilentxoxScramer Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is moving. 
I'm sorry you're going through shit times, darling. :c Just know, if anything, you have a whole crowd of fans here willing to listen and help in any way possible. We owe you for all the beautiful poetry. 
Reply
:iconjaydanjercobain:
JayDanjerCobain Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're so brave to put this up here. I really hope everything turns out ok. :heart:
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I wish I was just some random passerby and that I didn't actually know the depth of what this poem is about. But I'm not. And this hurts to read because I just want to make you pasta and cake and all good things and hug you and watch dumb movies with you. And that fucking recording brought tears to my own eyes because I recently lost someone to cancer and I'm about to lose another. I'm not terribly close to them, but it's...still very surreal.

This is the worst poem you've ever written because of the subject matter. But the language is just pure beauty and it's nothing but rawness straight from your own heart.
Reply
:iconcrystallized-skies:
crystallized-skies Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm afraid I have to disagree with you. I believe this is one of your best poems. It's not complicated, it's straight to the point. Raw and bleeding. It shows the true emotions running through your head when you think about this and that is why it is one of the best poems you've ever written. 
But beyond that, I wish I could make all your worries disappear. I wish I could promise that everything will be okay but I can't. So I just offer you a shoulder to cry on, a warm set of arms to hug, and the simple thought that it will get better. 
Reply
:iconanakaserigala:
AnakaSerigala Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It may technically be not the best poem you have ever written, but it moves me. My grandmother has cancer and she will probably die in a few months, so although I don't have to take care for her like you for your father I know a little what it is like. I know I don't know you and you don't know me but I wish you strength and a lot of good friends who do know you and who know what they have to say to make you feel a little better, even if only for a short moment.
Raevyn
Reply
:icondoktorspankenstein:
DoktorSpankenstein Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
It's not the worst poem at all, it's among the worst possible subjects for a poem.  As such, it is courageous, powerful, and touching.
Reply
:iconphoenixflamesrising:
PhoenixFlamesRising Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014
What the good DoktorSpankenstein said...  Horrible life pain, turned into a beautiful and touching tribute. "You ignore statistics, because roses, they always smell nicer." Gut-wrenching but truly beautiful...
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And that's what is killing me.
Reply
:icondreamamongstars:
DreamAmongStars Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think this is the worst poem you've ever written. It made me cry because it made me think of my cat. We had to put him down the day before school started because he wasn't eating anymore and it turned out he had a really large tumor in his stomach. It really hurt him whenever we picked him up, even with a towel underneath.

Stay strong hon, and if you need anything you can always come talk to me.
Reply
:iconrmacdhai:
RmacDhai Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
Hugs.  Light be with you and yours through all pain. 
Reply
:icon9blueturtles:
9blueTurtles Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
I would hug you if I could, but since there's not much I can do I want to tell you that my heart goes out to you.
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It isn't horrible, honey. And, my heart is with you. :heart:
Reply
:iconhawkheart29:
Hawkheart29 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
A lot of diseases actually cause the body to smell strange. For example diabetics smell sweet (ironically) 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I know.
But with cancer, it's more or less invisible.
Reply
:iconchinook84:
Chinook84 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Have hope, find the small beautiful things. You've made me cry too. Thankfully, cancer hasn't touched my life, and I can't imagine what you must be going through, but you have my sympathies. You've laid out the lines really well; they emphasize the frailty that you and he seem to feel. I like the rawness that comes through. Hugs.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's harder because I'm his daughter, and his nurse.
I'm the only one taking care of him.  And it's so hard.
Reply
:iconchinook84:
Chinook84 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
I really want to give you a hug now. Virtual hug.Hug 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! <3
Reply
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