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I tried to devour myself in my sleep,
all tight lipped and tongueless—
hours after you left me
with only an unbeating heart
keeping me company.

Callused fingers made me shiver,
but never managed to make me burn.

Instead, they left me feeling cold—
a frostbitten liar with a snake for a tongue.

An unnamed poetic.

I'm dreaming of red skies
and dragons of old—
I'm begging, and I'm begging,
and I'm begging—Please—warm me up.

Set fire to these bones—
Give me a real reason to scream.

Because, there rests an old poet
in the farthest reaches of my soul
and she longs to fight this fire with flames.

[  As she's learned the tricks of her trade
   only conversing with Monsters.          ]
An old poem revamped.

I love finding wastebasket worthy scribbles and turning them into something beautiful.

You can blame the last line on :icondoktorspankenstein:
Something he said really struck a chord in me.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconloplovinglydia:
The title 'Closed Mouthed' alone catches the viewer's eye, and the rest of the poem keeps them captivated. This poem is written in a creative free-verse form that gives it an extra flare. There is a clear sense of emotion behind each line that the reader understands immediately. It takes the reader into a new place, and keeps them there until the last word. They find a new experience to keep with them after witnessing this beautifully crafted piece of writing. The image is intense behind the words and the final sentence included confirms the message perfectly. For such a short piece, it is flawless and powerful.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Everything I read by you always amazes me! I think I liked the second stanza the most. I get goosebumps, sometimes, when I see/hear something really sad or something really hits me. So, personally- I read that as though people who've been around this world too long (calloused) still strike sadness in you but never actually "burn" you, or make you feel anything authentic.
It's like... you want to really live. I love this. :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, exactly!
I love your interpritation. :heart:
Reply
:iconi-am-a-bridgewalker:
i-am-a-bridgewalker Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you have some really great lines here--"frostbitten liar with a snake for a tongue"--fabulous.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Writer
Such longing! This poem really touched me.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad. :)
Reply
:iconyaoi-addict-uke:
Yaoi-Addict-Uke Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
Wow, I've really fallen in love with your words. <3
I'm a poet myself, and envy you a lot; I wish I could write like you. Your free verse is beautiful and flawless.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, thank you! :D
You shouldn't envy me, or anyone for that matter.
Merely write your heart out.

You should post some of your work! :)
Reply
:iconyaoi-addict-uke:
Yaoi-Addict-Uke Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
Awwww, why thank you! ^//^
It's not like I don't like my own stuff, it's just . . . I don't know. XD Isn't it normal for one to envy something they don't possess?
But yes, I think I will, actually. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know if I've grown an ego, or backbone, but sometimes I find myself thinking--"I can write that better.", or "I wish I'd thought of that first." Because I have been told so many times I can't write, it will get me nowhere. That over time I don't care anymore and just write. I try not to envy anyone or think their stuff is better then my own. I enjoy the work of fellow writers, but I try to avoid such a mindset.

When you do tell me, I'd enjoy reading them! :)
Reply
:iconyaoi-addict-uke:
Yaoi-Addict-Uke Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
I understand that sort of mindset though, the one you described first off. I often do the same with my poems and such . . On another note, I've been insecure for quite a while now, and lately I've been getting better with some things. But with writing, it's still really bad. ^^;
I have no idea why, really, because no one has ever put me down like that in regard to my writing. Guess it's just something I'll have to work to avoid from now on. :3
I'm so glad you didn't listen to them, 'cause I really have fallen in love with your words~ <3

Thank you so much! I definitely will! ^//^
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
English professors have loved putting me down.
One actually tried to fail me once. Dx
And then there is the parents who will never know their kid has a real talent.

If you ever feel that way about a piece, I can probably critique, or look over it first before you post if you're feeling self-conscious. I usually do it with novels, but I might be able to help you. :)
Reply
:iconyaoi-addict-uke:
Yaoi-Addict-Uke Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
Awwww! What the fuck?? *sticks out tongue* Bleh, people . . .
Your parents don't know what they're missing out on either . .

Again, awwwwwwwwww~! <3 Thank you so, so much! ^^
If I'm ever in a pinch, I'll come to you. :)
(By the way, I have no poems on here yet, but I HAVE put some of my photos on. >.> I'm an amateur photographer as well. :D XD)

Anyway, nighty night for now! ^^
I'm not gonna log off, but I'll respond to any other messages you leave me tomorrow. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am also an amateur photographer! lol
Good night and sweet dreams!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmentallyboundronin:
MentallyBoundRonin Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really like the line...."and she longs to fight this fire with flames".....I dig the sentiment you portray, showing she is ready to fight for it. Awesome, good save!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconjessie123452bee:
Jessie123452bee Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
hi kira that is deep why not come to church if thats how u feel
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What are you talking about?
And my name is Kayla.
Reply
:iconjessie123452bee:
Jessie123452bee Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
oh i do beg ur pardon i logged on the wrong page
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I was just a little confused. lol
It's cool. :)
Reply
:iconjessie123452bee:
Jessie123452bee Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012
it is a very good peice of poetry do u write storie as well
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I write stories. But I don't have anything posted here. :)
Reply
:iconkartiksharma:
kartiksharma Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Student General Artist
Cooooooool!!! ♥.♥
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconmyowneclipse:
MyOwnEclipse Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
You have a terrific gift with words and the way you direct them. The emotions you have woven into every word and line are almost overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your skills with the world, I am thoroughly impressed by this flawless piece of work.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
I hated this piece the first time around.
It felt so wrong.
Revising it really brought it to life I believe. :)

Thank you.
Reply
:icontatterdema1ion:
tatterdema1ion Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student General Artist
It brings a new and different emotion every time I read it, and each makes me shiver with either the confliction (not a word but it should be) or the pain or the agonizing determination. Just wow. Excellent job here, as ever.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconbladebites:
BladeBites Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Every time I see one of your poems it keeps me thinking for hours, and this was no exception. I absolutely adore all your work, and it just struck me that for some odd reason I haven't watched you yet. :o -rolls away to watch you-
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Don't worry, half the time /I/ don't even know what I'm talking about.
I dwell on it for hours.
All I know is that I need to write it all out of me, even if I don't know what it means.
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconbladebites:
BladeBites Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very welcome!~
Reply
:iconhippiehebe:
HippieHebe Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i enjoyed reading this, love the way it's worded

I tried to devour myself in my sleep,
all tight lipped and tongueless— :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!!
I loved the intro as well! :D
Reply
:iconbreezybrutality:
breezybrutality Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think I might have seen your wastebasket material in a different life o.o
because I totally wrote something similar recently
[link]
Not totally the same but I definitely stole some things xD
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, it is similar, isn't it?
I love it regardless! :D
Reply
:iconbreezybrutality:
breezybrutality Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I love yours too, of course ;)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconluckybachi:
LuckyBachi Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconluckybachi:
LuckyBachi Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think this is one of the most beautiful poems i have ever read. EVER.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow--really? :o
Reply
:iconluckybachi:
LuckyBachi Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Definitely, despite its shortness, this poem has such power through the words you have used, its just amazing! Its has a strong word painting technique and your vocabulary is well chosen! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! >< :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Most of my poems are short.
I wish I could write longer ones.
But sometimes when I see a long poem,
I don't even bother reading it. :/
Sad, but true.
I have been writing since I was in the 8th grade,
I've had time to shape my style. :)

Thank you so much for this!
Reply
:iconluckybachi:
LuckyBachi Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Short is good, its a message across in a shorter space of time and you has such power! I just wish i had more words of yours to ponder on, very inspiring! KEEP IT UP :D
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have a lot more where this one came from in my gallery.
I am constantly writing. :)
Reply
:iconkari-over:
kari-over Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You had me from the first line. Captivating!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yay!
Reply
:iconthe-ghost-dancers:
The-Ghost-Dancers Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is simply amazing and really spoke to me. Wow, I love it :D
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconrainbowfishie101:
rainbowfishie101 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student Writer
This is gorgeous, as usual :) The flow and the imagery are excellent. I love that last line....it's fascinating, to say the least
Reply
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