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:icondearpoetry: More from DearPoetry


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Literature by baichan

Poetry by Vixen959


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Submitted on
December 23, 2012
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I might be dangerously on the verge of being poetic, but-

Sometimes I don't feel me in my own skin.
I am too many breaks between pulses,
& a heart still living in the autumn of 99.

I'm telling stories about a girl.

A soul made of ink & godly metaphors,
too much for a non-homeostatic body.

There were once fireflies in her smile,
alight between the gaps in her teeth.

A rebel,
love letters carved into wrists
she never sent.

Poetry,

She is Porphyria, & you are her lover.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmagicaljoey:
You have some fantastic imagery in this (for the entire poem I thought you were writing to yourself, until I read the author's comments and noticed the other two letters) and it holds together very well.

"I am too many breaks between pauses"
- I think I get what you are trying to say here, but in my mind a break is a pause so you are repeating yourself. I would phrase it more like "I am too many breaks/pauses between "

I like the continued metaphor about the girl not being healthy physically (non homeostatic, she is porphyria) as well as mentally (carved into wrists).

I think that non homeostatic should be non-homeostatic, a compound word.

"There were once fireflies in her smile,
alight between the gaps in her teeth."

Those have to be my two most favourite lines.

"A rebel,
love letters carved into wrists
she never sent."

Again I know what you mean, but the phrasing of this makes me think that the wrists were never sent, not the letters.

The font for the last line is tiny...maybe one size bigger? even with my glasses on I had to squint to see.

Otherwise I find this highly original (even though you have done other letters) and full of fantastic imagery. Well written.

Jo
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:icontheimaginativeauthor:
Theimaginativeauthor Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014
Nice poetry, I like how you were able to flow your view of words so beautifully,
Reply
:iconbethrog102:
bethrog102 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014
'Love letters carved into wrists
She never sent' is such a brilliant line. It speaks volumes
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmonstermanga1022:
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist

Amen to that!

 

I wish with every fiber of my being

Every hour my conscience is awake

That I could be someone else

Somewhere else

And then I know I'm free

From me

And truly know what it means

To be

 

I think I need to stop looking at poetry for the day :) lol

Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No, don't stop! :heart:
Reply
:icondzygirl2:
Dzygirl2 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
Hi guys leave your mark on my page btw awesome poetry poems don't need to rhym
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No, they don't. :)
Reply
:iconenchantressofnight:
enchantressofnight Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
I really like this imagery:

There were once fireflies in her smile,
alight between the gaps in her teeth.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconnostrovia-poetry:
nostrovia-poetry Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You use imagery well. It doesn't drown out the poem's message, but provides enough to conjure emotion from the reader and create nice visuals.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icondrawalbert:
drawAlbert Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I enjoyed reading this, It's so fluid and I just love how you show yourself in those words. Good work!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconcrashmypartyhard:
crashmypartyhard Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Beautiful as always. Merry Christmas!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and hope you had a good one! :)
Reply
:iconcrashmypartyhard:
crashmypartyhard Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
(:
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:icon00fireheart:
00FiReHeArT Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This completes me, thank you for writting this <3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aww!
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:icon00fireheart:
00FiReHeArT Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i mean it :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, you're welcome then! :)
Reply
:iconnighttimebeautiful:
nighttimebeautiful Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012   Writer
(i featured you here: [link] :heart:)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconvon19:
von19 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Writer
I cant even begin to explain how good this is...
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconthelaughingdreamer:
TheLaughingDreamer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful job the poem is epic
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconthelaughingdreamer:
TheLaughingDreamer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem ;)
Reply
:iconentitaria:
Entitaria Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I've never come across a writing style quite like yours, it's simply astounding, I end up adding most of your work to my favourites, and I'm sorry I'm such a horrible commenter, just like you to know, love your poetry! :love:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fav's are nice too--it just means I am doing something right! :)
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:iconentitaria:
Entitaria Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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:iconneko-mancer:
neko-mancer Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
wow the imagery. the last verse really hit me. "A rebel, love letters carved in to wrists, she never sent"
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconastraflux:
Astraflux Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Student General Artist
....I've read two of your poems now.... And liked them both. :3 I shall watch yew.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconburnchain:
Burnchain Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
this was insightful. str8 from my heart
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconheart809:
heart809 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
Are you sure you don't mean "myself in my own skin"? Otherwise, this is beautiful, as usual.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like the sound of 'me', more so than 'myself'.
It just sounds better as a spoken word.
Reply
:iconheart809:
heart809 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
I suppose so~
Reply
:iconearthy-rah:
earthy-rah Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012   Writer
Amazing imagery in this one. <3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconluxun1986:
LuXun1986 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's like being honest to yourself for the first time about how you feel. The imagery and feelings are just SO good in this. ^w^
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. Sometimes I find it hard to express myself.
Reply
:iconluxun1986:
LuXun1986 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think we all do at some point. Thanks for sharing with ur poem. :pat:
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