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Poetry by Vixen959


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December 23, 2012
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I might be dangerously on the verge of being poetic, but-

Sometimes I don't feel me in my own skin.
I am too many breaks between pulses,
& a heart still living in the autumn of 99.

I'm telling stories about a girl.

A soul made of ink & godly metaphors,
too much for a non-homeostatic body.

There were once fireflies in her smile,
alight between the gaps in her teeth.

A rebel,
love letters carved into wrists
she never sent.

Poetry,

She is Porphyria, & you are her lover.
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:iconmagicaljoey:
You have some fantastic imagery in this (for the entire poem I thought you were writing to yourself, until I read the author's comments and noticed the other two letters) and it holds together very well.

"I am too many breaks between pauses"
- I think I get what you are trying to say here, but in my mind a break is a pause so you are repeating yourself. I would phrase it more like "I am too many breaks/pauses between "

I like the continued metaphor about the girl not being healthy physically (non homeostatic, she is porphyria) as well as mentally (carved into wrists).

I think that non homeostatic should be non-homeostatic, a compound word.

"There were once fireflies in her smile,
alight between the gaps in her teeth."

Those have to be my two most favourite lines.

"A rebel,
love letters carved into wrists
she never sent."

Again I know what you mean, but the phrasing of this makes me think that the wrists were never sent, not the letters.

The font for the last line is tiny...maybe one size bigger? even with my glasses on I had to squint to see.

Otherwise I find this highly original (even though you have done other letters) and full of fantastic imagery. Well written.

Jo
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:icontheimaginativeauthor:
Theimaginativeauthor Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  New member
Nice poetry, I like how you were able to flow your view of words so beautifully,
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:iconbethrog102:
bethrog102 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014
'Love letters carved into wrists
She never sent' is such a brilliant line. It speaks volumes
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmonstermanga1022:
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist

Amen to that!

 

I wish with every fiber of my being

Every hour my conscience is awake

That I could be someone else

Somewhere else

And then I know I'm free

From me

And truly know what it means

To be

 

I think I need to stop looking at poetry for the day :) lol

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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No, don't stop! :heart:
Reply
:icondzygirl2:
Dzygirl2 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
Hi guys leave your mark on my page btw awesome poetry poems don't need to rhym
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No, they don't. :)
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:iconenchantressofnight:
enchantressofnight Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
I really like this imagery:

There were once fireflies in her smile,
alight between the gaps in her teeth.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconnostrovia-poetry:
nostrovia-poetry Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You use imagery well. It doesn't drown out the poem's message, but provides enough to conjure emotion from the reader and create nice visuals.
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