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Gravity,

Autumn wanted to learn
how to


fall.

So, the galaxy of dead trees
coiling in your lungs
devoured her spine.

Your gifts,
a lifeline wrapped around
her neck like a noose;

an orange and red
assisted suicide.

& you said "God bless your
heart." like some divine
higher power could forgive
her for loving you.

-dp
Winter is oh so cold.

Featured: [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconwinterkate:
First of all, as always, love your work. Very nice, very elegant, very eloquent especially. And I love that you're delving into new realms of imagery. Autumn isn't something I've seen you explore before, and I think you do it extremely well, and in a very original manner.
I think my only real criticism here would be the line breaks. For example, when you say

Autumn
wanted to
learn how to

fall.

you've got really gorgeous content, but the breaks add in strange pauses. I'd much more suggest something like

Autumn wanted to learn
how to

fall.

It just creates less of a choppy rhythm. Other than that, I really, really enjoyed this piece. It's fabulous. Great job!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icontheimaginativeauthor:
Theimaginativeauthor Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014
nicely done, if you have time you can read my poetry as well it will mean a lot.
Reply
:iconsvalaw:
SvalaW Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The title and first stanza are very captivating.
And "galaxy of dead trees" is a fascinating picture.

But somehow the last stanza touches me the most, it's very beautiful, but also makes me a bit sad.
Wonderful poem.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
The 'God bless your heart' really affected me personally and I tried to show that hurt in the end.
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
"Autumn wanted to learn
how to

fall.

Is my favorite line, but yet I love the whole thing; it's definitely a new take on an Autumn poem; I thought it was beautifully sad and dark!!! Seriously good!!!:D
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. I rarely write about the seasons so I figured I might as well try. :)
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012
Well, I'm so glad you did try!!! It paid off!!!:):):):)
Reply
:iconbreezybrutality:
breezybrutality Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, this aches. But in a good way. I have really missed seeing such good artistry not being on here so much :,(
Thank you♥
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Where have you been? I've missed you! lol
Reply
:iconbreezybrutality:
breezybrutality Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, it feels very good to find I was missed♥
I have been trying to juggle three jobs, a husband, and a social life. It wasn't working so my favorite place got pushed out D:
I'm sorry!
Reply
:iconthatfunnierpiece:
ThatFunnierPiece Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
It reminded me so much of this [link] piece. And your work grasps a similar topic, but from the other side. For me, it's beautifully complementary.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It is pretty similar, yeah.
Thanks for pointing it out to me, it's a wonderful piece!
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: I like the association of winter with the opposite of light... its subtle, albeit creepy.

Its a depth filled work, and certainly one of those few pieces with a levity of its own. Its... not exactly relate-able, but its introspective. Its something worth thinking about.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
A piece worth thinking about is the best kind! :heart:
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Such pieces are a rarity... you find them in the books written before this day and age, not within or in this day and age :(
Reply
:iconallofmyconfusion:
allofmyconfusion Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012   Writer
I love your style. It is so refreshing
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:iconphotopathica:
Photopathica Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   General Artist
Hi!
We have chosen your work for our Featured Folder for November!
This piece has been featured here: [link]

On behalf of:
:icondeviantsgallery:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconphotopathica:
Photopathica Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   General Artist
welcome :)
Reply
:iconxtrqs:
XTRQS Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
Oh lovely.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconzepher87:
Zepher87 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
indeed it is.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sad.
Reply
:iconzepher87:
Zepher87 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
Yeah.
Reply
:iconprideofpanem:
PrideofPanem Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student General Artist
Amazing <3 Beautifully depressing is something hard to achieve most of the time, and here you have achieved it.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the compliment!
Reply
:iconprideofpanem:
PrideofPanem Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student General Artist
You're very welcome :D
Reply
:iconverreax:
Verreax Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thats sad
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I agree.
Reply
:iconverreax:
Verreax Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like it though, nice writing style!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconempresskitsune:
Empresskitsune Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
I love the title and as stated below, the wonderful usage of enjambment! I'm studying poetry in school (year 9!) and I love how the form of the poem parallels the meaning!
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student General Artist
Your school has a poetry class?
I envy you.
Reply
:iconempresskitsune:
Empresskitsune Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
I wish! At the moment we're just studying cultural poetry :)
I love it!
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student General Artist
I'd jump at a chance to take a poetry class! XD It sounds lots of fun.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbottled-mermaid:
bottled-mermaid Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
Beautiful, beautiful poem, so full of emotions! :love:
I really love your use of enjambement to give a sense of something falling. Not only the meaning, but also the location of every word is important to understand the poem.

And I also like the word "Gravity" as title :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I felt it was necessary. Glad you approve! :D
Reply
:iconbottled-mermaid:
bottled-mermaid Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconhakkaobake:
hakkaobake Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Perhaps Gravity's gift?
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the suggestion!
Reply
:iconhappydaim:
Happydaim Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
I love it :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconoaktea:
oaktea Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
I read it twice because it's morning and I'm a bit slow in the mornings, then I read it five times again because it was so amazing!

It's strong all the way through, and then that last section hits you like a train. I wish I wrote this.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
Reply
:iconichihitsufangirl:
IchiHitsuFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing as always.

The title is alright but it could be better. What about Vertigo or something of the like?
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hate titles. :/ But I believe most of us do. Lol
Reply
:iconichihitsufangirl:
IchiHitsuFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's always hard to label things. :/
Reply
:iconsilverwynd:
SilverWynd Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this, very creative and unique, love the concept and some wonderful imagery
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much.
Reply
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November 9, 2012
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