literature

Gravity

Deviation Actions

DearPoetry's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

Gravity,

Autumn wanted to learn
how to


fall.

So, the galaxy of dead trees
coiling in your lungs
devoured her spine.

Your gifts,
a lifeline wrapped around
her neck like a noose;

an orange and red
assisted suicide.

& you said "God bless your
heart." like some divine
higher power could forgive
her for loving you.

-dp
Winter is oh so cold.

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Comments63
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winterkate's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

First of all, as always, love your work. Very nice, very elegant, very eloquent especially. And I love that you're delving into new realms of imagery. Autumn isn't something I've seen you explore before, and I think you do it extremely well, and in a very original manner.
I think my only real criticism here would be the line breaks. For example, when you say

Autumn
wanted to
learn how to

fall.

you've got really gorgeous content, but the breaks add in strange pauses. I'd much more suggest something like

Autumn wanted to learn
how to

fall.

It just creates less of a choppy rhythm. Other than that, I really, really enjoyed this piece. It's fabulous. Great job!