literature

I long to set this world aflame.

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DearPoetry's avatar
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Literature Text

I once dreamt of ashes and dragons,
as dark ravens loomed over my sleeping form,
planting cadaver kisses along my neck.
Stepping into a river of colors, I contemplated
smoke halos and the unlit cigarette between my teeth.
I asked myself if all of this was worth it-
gasoline rainbows painting landscapes along my thighs.
I'd never smoked a day in my life, but I liked to play with fire.

[Light a match and watch me burn. ]
Chaos.

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Comments59
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MagicalJoey's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt=":iconsuperwritershelp:" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>

Firstly, I love how you have packed so much imagery into such a small space.

Now, the crit:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> ST = Stanza
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt=":bulletred:" title="Bullet; Red"/> L = Line

L1 - there could be a comma after 'dragons' as there seems to be a natural pause there that the line break doesn't satisfy.

Other than that there isn't much to critique on this piece. Your imagery is superb and you pack so much and so much meaning into this small space that it makes for a wonderful and, disturbingly entertaining read. One can picture what is happening within this piece.

I think you write really well, and this piece illustrates your talent. I almost feel like becoming an arsonist myself just to see if I could see the same things you mentioned.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
Jo