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Literature Text
I once dreamt of ashes and dragons,
as dark ravens loomed over my sleeping form,
planting cadaver kisses along my neck.
Stepping into a river of colors, I contemplated
smoke halos and the unlit cigarette between my teeth.
I asked myself if all of this was worth it-
gasoline rainbows painting landscapes along my thighs.
I'd never smoked a day in my life, but I liked to play with fire.
[Light a match and watch me burn. ]
as dark ravens loomed over my sleeping form,
planting cadaver kisses along my neck.
Stepping into a river of colors, I contemplated
smoke halos and the unlit cigarette between my teeth.
I asked myself if all of this was worth it-
gasoline rainbows painting landscapes along my thighs.
I'd never smoked a day in my life, but I liked to play with fire.
[Light a match and watch me burn. ]
Literature
Dream On
A dream can be
a passing thought;
a passionate ambition.
A dream can be
a battle fought;
a superficial mission.
A dream can be
a driving force;
a forgiving comfort.
A dream can be
a thriving source;
a deceitful consort.
A dream can thrill you;
drive you or kill you.
Beware of this, dreamers—
and Dream On.
Literature
Is It Wrong?
Is it wrong
That I glance up at the clouds,
Feeling the wind through my hair,
And dream of a mystifying land
Where one can be accepted no matter what?
Is it wrong
That I choose to wear jeans down past my heels,
Baggy and ripped at the knees,
Unlike all the other boys that wear athletic
Shorts, so unscathed and clean?
Is it wrong
That I ask people about their troubles,
Sometimes doing all in my mortal power
To help them surpass the simple,
Even ones I have not defeated myself?
Is it wrong
That while the few friends I have
Dance around giddily and go to
The most extreme only to impress,
But I only hang back in silent content
Literature
This is a Song
This is a song for the lost, the broken and the damned,
This is a song for the hopeless, the outgunned and the outmanned.
This is one for the sinners, and the non-believers too,
This is a song for all those people, people just like YOU!
This is the anthem of the normal, the oppressed and the abused,
This is a song for those people hidden from everybody's views.
This is the prayer of the unwanted, the unneeded and the small,
This is one for the unheeded, so let's give it our all!
This is a song for the people, who always just want to cry,
This is the anthem for those who have once wanted to die!
This is a song for all the people, tha
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Comments59
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactI will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt="
" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>Firstly, I love how you have packed so much imagery into such a small space.
Now, the crit:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Red"/> ST = Stanza<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="10" height="10" alt="
" title="Bullet; Red"/> L = LineL1 - there could be a comma after 'dragons' as there seems to be a natural pause there that the line break doesn't satisfy.
Other than that there isn't much to critique on this piece. Your imagery is superb and you pack so much and so much meaning into this small space that it makes for a wonderful and, disturbingly entertaining read. One can picture what is happening within this piece.
I think you write really well, and this piece illustrates your talent. I almost feel like becoming an arsonist myself just to see if I could see the same things you mentioned.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
Jo