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DearPoetry by FoxofEbony


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Submitted on
March 15, 2013
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-I had never wished to know the moon,
or the burning gaze of her lover.
I am merely a forest of silences,
old dogwoods & untamed hair.

-But, I made a promise
to a bone collector once.
He could have my spine,
my kneecaps, &
one flowered rib,
wrapped & bowed-up
like a present

-if he could fall in love
with things that slip through his fingers:
Me,
the sea,
shooting stars.

-“It would be a sin to love you,
my dear sweet wolf;
you will always cry for the moon.”

-dp
it always has been.
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:iconheart809:
My, my, my, you've outdone yourself.

Vision: This one gets a 4, because it's a typical poem focus, but it's still a nice one to have. It's a sentiment many can understand.

Originality: A 5 for the wolf-moon connection. I can't say I've seen it used before to show unrequited love, so good job.

Technique: Your poem, though simple, deserves this 4.5 for giving a clear image. You did not bog it down with details, just gave a crisp, clear explanation, full of basic symbols. My only suggestion would be to add an "and" to the shooting stars line, because it otherwise implies they're more.

Impact: This also gets a 4 because it might be what some are looking to hear, and longing to know others understand. It could be just what someone needs to read, somewhere. Also, the last section (that's in quotes) is a powerful punchline.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
25 out of 25 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmarcussonn:
At first, I was pulled in, hooked, then lost in your words only to be yanked back into place by this wonderful poem. I brings up a great point, and I like how you incorporate the moon, and the wolf. That was greatly done, greatly done. Finally, the way it ended, I have to say was over all fantastic!

“It would be a sin to love you,
my dear sweet wolf;
you will always cry for the moon.”

I love this last past. Wow is the first word that comes to mind, and that mind, was blown. Thank you for this great poem. I have to say, I enjoyed it.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
33 out of 33 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconkaatjekilled:
kaatjekilled Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
This is absolutely wonderful!
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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:iconpietroschek:
Pietroschek Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Last I heard or read in a similar mood was "There is no smile of an angel without the wrath of God." from HIM lyrics... You manage to outmatch it imo. :juggle:
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh. <3
Thank you!
Reply
:iconelorecohlt:
EloreCohlt Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're incredible. English is not my first language but I finished to read this poem to explode in tears. Your words really are something else. All I can say is wow, over and over again.
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
But making someone cry is hardly my goal.
And I apologize.
Reply
:iconelorecohlt:
EloreCohlt Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's not cry from suffering, it's cry because... too much emotions, good art always do this to me. Don't apologize :meow:
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:iconwingz69:
WiNGz69 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Student Writer
It certainly is.
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconthemorningtrain:
themorningtrain Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
You are, once again, incredible.
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