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-I had never wished to know the moon,
or the burning gaze of her lover.
I am merely a forest of silences,
old dogwoods & untamed hair.

-But, I made a promise
to a bone collector once.
He could have my spine,
my kneecaps, &
one flowered rib,
wrapped & bowed-up
like a present

-if he could fall in love
with things that slip through his fingers:
Me,
the sea,
shooting stars.

-“It would be a sin to love you,
my dear sweet wolf;
you will always cry for the moon.”

-dp
it always has been.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconheart809:
My, my, my, you've outdone yourself.

Vision: This one gets a 4, because it's a typical poem focus, but it's still a nice one to have. It's a sentiment many can understand.

Originality: A 5 for the wolf-moon connection. I can't say I've seen it used before to show unrequited love, so good job.

Technique: Your poem, though simple, deserves this 4.5 for giving a clear image. You did not bog it down with details, just gave a crisp, clear explanation, full of basic symbols. My only suggestion would be to add an "and" to the shooting stars line, because it otherwise implies they're more.

Impact: This also gets a 4 because it might be what some are looking to hear, and longing to know others understand. It could be just what someone needs to read, somewhere. Also, the last section (that's in quotes) is a powerful punchline.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
25 out of 25 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmarcussonn:
At first, I was pulled in, hooked, then lost in your words only to be yanked back into place by this wonderful poem. I brings up a great point, and I like how you incorporate the moon, and the wolf. That was greatly done, greatly done. Finally, the way it ended, I have to say was over all fantastic!

“It would be a sin to love you,
my dear sweet wolf;
you will always cry for the moon.”

I love this last past. Wow is the first word that comes to mind, and that mind, was blown. Thank you for this great poem. I have to say, I enjoyed it.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
33 out of 33 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconkaatjekilled:
kaatjekilled Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
This is absolutely wonderful!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconpietroschek:
Pietroschek Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Last I heard or read in a similar mood was "There is no smile of an angel without the wrath of God." from HIM lyrics... You manage to outmatch it imo. :juggle:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh. <3
Thank you!
Reply
:iconelorecohlt:
EloreCohlt Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're incredible. English is not my first language but I finished to read this poem to explode in tears. Your words really are something else. All I can say is wow, over and over again.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
But making someone cry is hardly my goal.
And I apologize.
Reply
:iconelorecohlt:
EloreCohlt Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's not cry from suffering, it's cry because... too much emotions, good art always do this to me. Don't apologize :meow:
Reply
:iconwingz69:
WiNGz69 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Student Writer
It certainly is.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconthemorningtrain:
themorningtrain Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
You are, once again, incredible.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
the 3 stanza :heart: you are truly a stunning poet.
Reply
:icondoktorspankenstein:
DoktorSpankenstein Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013
woof!
Reply
:icontan-zie:
Tan-zie Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So well-written! The story of the wolf and the moon is actually quite popular but I like your work the best:)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconballoonist:
balloonist Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013
Well-written, dear wolf.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconteukkiss:
TeukkiSS Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist
im tired and weary to get teary-eyed, but oh, how lovely this is
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! :)
Reply
:iconclockworkwhite:
ClockworkWhite Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your work gives me shivers. Seriously. Beautiful use of imagery and metaphor.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconemosstink1:
emosstink1 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
great symbolism!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconxxemojesterjulianaxx:
xxemojesterjulianaxx Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Student General Artist
I was blown away by this poem. It's gorgeous. Well done.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:icontoshiroangel:
ToshiroAngel Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
pretty
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconhappyblueimpiii:
happyblueimpIII Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Moving and beautiful! I feel like I'm breathing the forest. Wonderful job!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
Beautiful. Amazing poem.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013
You're welcome. :aww:
Reply
:iconhazeltown:
hazeltown Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
FRONT PAGE. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU! :heart:
Reply
:iconbleeding-magic:
Bleeding-Magic Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Student Photographer
The last sentence was the perfect wrap up. Your words are beyond beautiful!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconneko-mancer:
neko-mancer Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
amazing!!! Its very touching on multiple levels.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconannuskastya:
annuskastya Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
gorgeous word choice
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconwei-en:
wei-en Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
Your way with words always amazes me.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconcreyn:
Creyn Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
So touching and mysterious... :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconfractalcrackhead:
FractalCrackhead Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thats probably what she thinks but i know its not true. this lone wolf has wised up
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconflutterlicious20:
flutterlicious20 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
THAT'S SO AMAZING! I could NEVER EVER write something as beautiful as that of which I've just read! OMG THAT WAS FANTABULOUS!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU. :D
Reply
:iconflutterlicious20:
flutterlicious20 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you're welcome :D
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
absolutely wonderfully lovely. <3
Reply
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