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Literature Text
I have been suffocating
on the stars of my past
like horny gentlemen
do with innocent looking
wolfgirls at 3am- their bite
fearless as thieves.
My lilac lungs are breathing in
dust and the tears of Saturn’s
nameless moons,
while the rest of me -
well, shes warm off wine
and poems left
unfinished.
on the stars of my past
like horny gentlemen
do with innocent looking
wolfgirls at 3am- their bite
fearless as thieves.
My lilac lungs are breathing in
dust and the tears of Saturn’s
nameless moons,
while the rest of me -
well, shes warm off wine
and poems left
unfinished.
Literature
The Girl Who Was Afraid To Be
She speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
apologises
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
by ignoring
her beautiful words
and telling her to
shut up,
keep it down,
nobody cares.
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
Literature
The Girl He Loves
The girl he loves is midnight, like the blue of the sea cradled by the moonlight.
The girl he loves is verdant, the very green of the hill kissed by the summer delight.
The girl he loves is coral, as pink as the roses that grow in his mother's garden.
The girl he loves is crimson, red like the autumn leaves that lay abandoned.
The girl he loves I can never be
Because he's allergic to violets,
And violets are too much like me.
Literature
Lying, Cheating Harlot
“I have issues.”
“That’s a revelation.”
“No. Seriously. I have issues.”
“All right. I’ll bite. What’s going on?”
“I don’t think I’m ever going to find someone who’ll love me.”
"..."
“What? Why're you looking at me like that?”
“You aren’t serious, right?”
“I am glad my pain makes you so incredulous.”
“All right, let me try this again. If you can't find someone who loves you, who am I to you?”
“You’re-”
“Don’t answer that. That was rhetorical. I am the girl
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Comments46
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Overall Vision Originality Technique Impact"I have been suffocating---- why
on the stars of my past-----grow up?
like horny gentlemen--------ok where is this going
do with innocent looking---- lol
wolfgirls at 3am- their bite-- makes no sense didn't tie together the last thing
fearless as thieves.---------- thieves are nervous maybe you haven't met any?
My lilac lungs are breathing in------delay....
dust and the tears of Saturn’s------....what does that mean
nameless moons,--------------------the moons actually have names learn science
while the rest of me - ---------------why is there a separation
well, shes warm off wine ------------thats not profound
and poems left------------------------ delay...
unfinished." ---------------------------... fell flat
This poem fell flat, like suds of a beer left out to dry.
This poem fell flat, like the vineyard's harvest after dry season.
Vision: mostly unclear. Lots of loose ends. There's a point yes, but vision? Eh.
Originality: innocent gentlemen might be sticky and awkward, but it's original
Technique: What is This line break foooor. am i profound yet ?
Impact. Do I need to say it?