Missing Bones

Hi there,
I will be critiquing this poem on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt="" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>!
Thank you for requesting a critique and being open to having your work critiqued. Please remember that critiques represent only one person's opinion; they are designed to look at both pros and cons in order to help you become a better writer; and they are never attacks, and therefore need not be defended against.
I like the dramatic, dark atmosphere of this poem. I also like the sense of movement created by the changes between the two situations, of two people being outside, and of the undead speaker. The contrast of the dark image of the protagonist being undead and wandering with the physical image of him/her being shaken and kissed is particularly strong. The repetition of bone images also connects images and the piece as a whole.

There are a couple of areas in this poem that I feel would be strengthened with a change of words or more clarification. For instance, at the end of the first stanza, "within the roots of one another" is unspecific, as it does not create a very strong image in the reader's mind. A clear image that relates to "lost warriors" could make this part so much stronger. Consider images that relate to warriors: armor, colours, weapons, reasons for fighting, strong bones, etc. One point that confused me is in the second paragraph: what "missing bones" is the speaker looking for? I assume it is his/her own. This is implied later on, with "these thin bones of mine," which is good, but the first mention of the bones requires more clarification, in my opinion. I am confused what "just to test a theory" is referring to; I feel that this could also use clarification. Finally, "your rib cage has a meaning" is powerful because of its gory image and the meaning behind it; I feel, though, that it could be improved with more expansion. Consider evoking more images or ideas that come along with dead birds, and how these relate to the two characters' situations.
The ending is sweet; I love love poems. I like the reiteration of the "moon and the stars" and the "tipsy on your smile and your words / and your warmth." These could be improved with more expansion as well, though. Consider what else could be in the sky, or another way of looking at the sky altogether, aside from just seeing the moon and the stars, as this evokes little imagery. Consider including what the other person is saying to the protagonist, beyond "words." Finally, consider describing his/her "warmth" further, evoking other images or feelings that come along with it: smells, memories, etc. With these expansions, much more detail could be added to the poem, pushing its meaning to reveal more about the interesting protagonist and his/her situation.

Overall, I like the writing style and the ideas in this poem. I feel that these could be expanded upon to create poetry with an even stronger impact. I would love to see more poems from you.
-JM