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Writing by Christawashere


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Submitted on
September 25, 2012
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i.
    these god-hands are barbwire's,
    snagging & scarring everything
    they touch.



ii.
    black tongue bleeding sweet ichor
    along the guarded walls
    of skeletal frames.



iii.
    'i want to taste heaven.
    it rests there,
    just beneath your bones.'




iv.
    he is a god dog
    made of scythes & scalpels,
    sewn together with weak thread.



v.
    and she is a borrowed tree.
    lips that beg, & limbs that snare
    will carry him to his grave.



vi.
    'shh, my sweet-
    close your eyes, &
    i'll sacrifice you to the heavens.'

My second entry for =dreamsinstatic's contest:
[link]

Prompt selected: Smile like a Scythe

Again, I've walked out of my comfort zone. And I would like all of your thoughts.

Is this piece confusing?
How is the flow?
The length?
Anything else?

Your thoughts/opinions are greatly appreciated!

Featured: [link]

This was also featured in the Poetry tag on tumblr: [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkailani-e:
Amazing! This is a gorgeous poem. The flow is beautiful. The consistency in the stanzas also keeps this balance. It's slightly confusing as to a meaning, but not confusing as in when you read it you feel disjointed. It's beautiful and makes you contemplate what the piece is trying to say. The meaning isn't exactly clear, but it gives off a deeper feel then told. I like the repetition of god throughout the piece and the dark imagery that is ironic to that. The title also has a great impact. I gave originality a lower mark because I feel some of the words you used and ideas are used through out a lot of writing, but other than that, I really enjoyed this piece.

Great job!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconphantomxheart:
PhantomxHeart Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
What do you mean 'prompt selected'? Do you just generate them mentally, or do you select them from a certain place? Anyway, I've been scouring your poetry and have not found one that didn't leave me slack-jawed..
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This one was written for a contest with predetermined prompts and I selected "smile like a scythe" c:
Reply
:iconphantomxheart:
PhantomxHeart Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Damn... *Steals talent*. You're a bit too good a what you do. Honestly, I wish I had even a fragment of what you hone. :). wonderful!
Reply
:iconmonstermanga1022:
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist
I've read a lot of your poems, and honestly, this is not your best... sorry... :(
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Can I ask why you think so?  Because I too know it's not my best.
Reply
:iconmonstermanga1022:
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2013  Hobbyist

Because, yes, it is VERY confusing.  I don't know what it's even about. 

But don't worry, it's one bad one out of at least a dozen or more of your poems that I have read.  Your still a talented writer. :)

Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oooh, I LOVE this! Good luck with the contest, my friend!!! :hug:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Fingers crossed!
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! <3
Reply
:iconjoeybelle18:
JoeyBelle18 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is different. I love it. :) All of your writings I can almost see playing out in front of me. Don't ever stop writing please!! :D It is a bit confusing, but poems shouldn't always have to make sense, that's the best part about it. And your flow is perfection as always. <3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much.
And I don't plan to ever stop writing! :)
Reply
:iconlovelydearyyou:
LovelyDearyYou Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You are too amazing. I love your poetry!! ^O^
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconchalekam:
chalekam Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Dark and ominous. The physical arrangement of your stanzas adds a performance quality to your poem, its like a pantomine. Its nice how so many interpretations can be derived from your poem, it gives your work a pleasent/sinister mystique. If i were a play write id give this to all i cast to help them play complex antagonists, like Shakespere's Iago, ...'s Dracula etc. Well written.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow!
What a compliment!
Thank you so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconvlemode:
Vlemode Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Yeah I think it's kind of confusing, well it's a good one like all that you write but I kind don't see to much about the title or even the relationship dunno just maybe give it a second look.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It is suppose to be cryptic, but the first voice is the male, while the second is the female.
It's like the two are the same, both evil if you will.
But the woman wins in the end. lol

Hope that helped you a little bit.
Reply
:iconvlemode:
Vlemode Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Yeah thanks, it was kind of confusing but it's a great poem... You know I have like all you're poems in my favorites .
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't mind.
It's actually quite flattering. :)
Reply
:iconvlemode:
Vlemode Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
k love ya !
Reply
:iconcrazypsychowoman:
crazypsychowoman Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I normally wouldn't stop and read a poem on here. The title is what caught my attention. As I read it I saw her in my head. I saw a dangerous gleam on her teeth and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and I wanted to know what she was planning. Your imagery is rich. Your metaphors are vivid, except for "she is a borrowed tree". I don't get that one. Is there something I'm missing? That's the one line that doesn't make sense.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I was thinking about the giving tree when I wrote that line.
Reply
:iconintrovertebrate:
introvertebrate Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i love it, simply for the he is a god/dog bit
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like that part too. :)
Reply
:iconsleepyweez:
sleepyweez Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Student General Artist
I like your poem but what is the topic of your poem? Sorry because i don't really understand what is the topic about.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Basically it's about two people with 'smiles like a scythe', who's paths cross. The man in the beginning getting more then what he bargained for. :)
Reply
:iconsleepyweez:
sleepyweez Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Student General Artist
ok :)
Reply
:iconwolfsbane224:
Wolfsbane224 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Cool poem! Would you mind if I turned it into a song? Its really inspirational!
Reply
:iconkittiasher:
kittiasher Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Wow, this is a really great piece! I don't find it confusing at all and the flow seems just fine. The imagery of the piece is haunting yet poetic. Very nicely done!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:iconkittiasher:
kittiasher Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Absolutely my pleasure. Great work!
Reply
:iconremainingoptimistic:
remainingoptimistic Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Though I can't really think of anything to say that has not already been said (I love this piece by the way) my one suggestion would be to make the text a bit bigger. It'd make it easier to read, I don't wear glasses but I had to squint a bit.

Keep up the good work :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The text size is find on my computer, but I have noticed while on my sisters desktop, it is much smaller.
Hmmm, I'll have to look into this.
Thank you!
Reply
:iconremainingoptimistic:
remainingoptimistic Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no problem :)
Reply
:iconstarlight879:
starlight879 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Beautiful!

The only thing is sown should be spelled sewn. Love it!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Damnit, I knew it. LOL
Because I looked at my dad like, "How do you spell sewn?"
And he spelled it sown, swearing up and down that I was wrong. -_-;;
Parents.
Reply
:iconstarlight879:
starlight879 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Haha parents!!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know, right? lol
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Thanks for your entry and good luck!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Not confusing at all. Very well written. I am in love with writing again and again. <3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Student General Artist
I would share with you what I think about your poem, but I don't even know what to say. Very good! I like it even better than the last, and I believe that, between the two, you have a very good chance of winning. I especially like the line: "he is a god dog", just for how all you did was reverse the word, but the meaning is completely changed, especially with adding in the strike.
I also love the word ichor.
I can understand what is going on--especially with the title, and it flows very well, I think, especially for a poem segmented into the roman numerals.

Oops, well, I guess I found things to say.
Oh well.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! Your comment brought a huge smile to my face.
I worked really hard on both of these, stretched myself and tried to think outside of the box with both prompts. :)
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm so glad. ^^
And I believe you have achieved your goal. Instead of stereotypical Halloween things, you have definitely mixed it up a bit.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I've entered 4 years in a row and have never went the stereotypical route.
I find it boring.
But I've also never won.
Got 3 honorable mentions though, I do believe. lol
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Student General Artist
Stereotypical is very boring. Its like talking to me. Why merely talk when you can add gestures, and facial expressions, and voice fluctuations?
And wow, that's pretty good anyway, even if you haven't won yet!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Robots. lol
Just...robots.

And thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Student General Artist
Yes.
XD
You're so welcome!
Reply
:icona-nightmareous:
A-Nightmareous Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm just wondering, what inspired you to write this? The only thing I don't really like is the word "god-hands" I'd probably replace it simply with "hands". I am actually confused, is this a simple short poem or an allegory? If it's an allegory I'd be very interested in the symbolic meaning of this. :3
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