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literature sweetness by Septeara

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Submitted on
September 25, 2012
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962 bytes


183 (who?)

    these god-hands are barbwire's,
    snagging & scarring everything
    they touch.

    black tongue bleeding sweet ichor
    along the guarded walls
    of skeletal frames.

    'i want to taste heaven.
    it rests there,
    just beneath your bones.'

    he is a god dog
    made of scythes & scalpels,
    sewn together with weak thread.

    and she is a borrowed tree.
    lips that beg, & limbs that snare
    will carry him to his grave.

    'shh, my sweet-
    close your eyes, &
    i'll sacrifice you to the heavens.'

My second entry for =dreamsinstatic's contest:

Prompt selected: Smile like a Scythe

Again, I've walked out of my comfort zone. And I would like all of your thoughts.

Is this piece confusing?
How is the flow?
The length?
Anything else?

Your thoughts/opinions are greatly appreciated!

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Amazing! This is a gorgeous poem. The flow is beautiful. The consistency in the stanzas also keeps this balance. It's slightly confusing as to a meaning, but not confusing as in when you read it you feel disjointed. It's beautiful and makes you contemplate what the piece is trying to say. The meaning isn't exactly clear, but it gives off a deeper feel then told. I like the repetition of god throughout the piece and the dark imagery that is ironic to that. The title also has a great impact. I gave originality a lower mark because I feel some of the words you used and ideas are used through out a lot of writing, but other than that, I really enjoyed this piece.

Great job!
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3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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PhantomxHeart Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
What do you mean 'prompt selected'? Do you just generate them mentally, or do you select them from a certain place? Anyway, I've been scouring your poetry and have not found one that didn't leave me slack-jawed..
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This one was written for a contest with predetermined prompts and I selected "smile like a scythe" c:
PhantomxHeart Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Damn... *Steals talent*. You're a bit too good a what you do. Honestly, I wish I had even a fragment of what you hone. :). wonderful!
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist
I've read a lot of your poems, and honestly, this is not your best... sorry... :(
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Can I ask why you think so?  Because I too know it's not my best.
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2013  Hobbyist

Because, yes, it is VERY confusing.  I don't know what it's even about. 

But don't worry, it's one bad one out of at least a dozen or more of your poems that I have read.  Your still a talented writer. :)

TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oooh, I LOVE this! Good luck with the contest, my friend!!! :hug:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Fingers crossed!
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! <3
JoeyBelle18 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is different. I love it. :) All of your writings I can almost see playing out in front of me. Don't ever stop writing please!! :D It is a bit confusing, but poems shouldn't always have to make sense, that's the best part about it. And your flow is perfection as always. <3
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