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Like lies, you said
I make breathing the cosmos
through rose colored lungs
look easy- vertebrae stretched
toward the moon.

& I'm hanging my bones
out to dry, carving Saturn's
rings into my wrists- my
star burst ankles.

I swore then I'd keep my
black tongued poetry
& uprooted limbs far,
far away from you.

But, like lies, galaxies,
& night fevers, you
are the destination
on my star map skin.
We are all kinds of messed up, but that's okay.

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:iconminidonut:
I must say, this poem seriously touched my heart. Every human being messes up, but that's okay. Maby everyone wants to be forgiven, who knows. You must like writing poetry- so do I! You have alot if potential in you. You used such, such words that could bring inspiration to us all. This is very creative since you used your imagination for this poem. In my opinion, this poem should have alot more views, favorites, and comments. I love it when people expresses others' or their own feelings through poetry. Makes me want to ;^; with happiness.

Thank you for writing this. <3
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
35 out of 36 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmountainmew:
I absolutely adore your choice of words and figurative language displayed in this poem. The visualization is clear while remaining ambiguous, that's wonderful. It's leaves a strong mark on the reader and doesn't over stay its welcome.
I think what I love the most about this piece is how simple it really is. It also remains up to interpretation, not trying to force a message on the reader with straightforward telling techniques. I love that.
If I may give a single complaint, I must say something about the flow of this poem felt unnatural to me. I think there could have been a better beat to the poem, but that's more of a minor nitpick on my part.
Overall, it's an absolutely wonderful piece, and I truly adore it~
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
16 out of 16 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconbragathus:
Bragathus Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Sorry, not feeling this one. Nice effort anyway.
Reply
:icontarosmyr:
TarosMyr Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013   Writer
I absolutely love this. So glad to have discovered your poetry. It's very inspiring.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your imagery is so stunning, in everything you write. Beautiful, as always.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome. :)
Reply
:iconkymira12:
Kymira12 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello *DearPoetry!

On behalf of #InspireTheUninspired we would like to congratulate you on being Featured within our group. Please take a look when you have time and support your fellow artists :aww: Keep writing and inspiring!

:iconinspiretheuninspired:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aww! Thanks! Much appreciated!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012   Writer
I like the comparisons in the last strophe - a lovely close.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I felt they fit! :heart:
Reply
:iconhanonesail:
HanOneSail Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Impressive imagery, hopefully, you find a way to get this painted out :D
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Painted out?
Reply
:iconkymira12:
Kymira12 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is just so... wonderful! The images it evokes for me are great. I interpret this poem the same as ~karmacursed did and my favourite stanza is definitely the last two stanza's :heart: you did a beautiful job writing this! :huggle:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
This one has a lot of personal meaning to me.
Reply
:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is great the visual keys are great. It has a 'star crossed lovers' type of undertone to it, but maybe that's just my enterpritation. Nice job. :+fav:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Nope, you are right on the money. :)
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That last stanza is just <3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconhinata8d:
hinata8D Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
beautiful
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icondancinghobonamedbob:
dancinghobonamedbob Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student General Artist
This is so imaginative! Its got my head filled with crazy ideas and this paired with 'Fabric of the cosmos' (a book I'm reading now) I don't even have the words to say how epic it is.
This is absolutely perfection!! And so short and sweet too!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, what is 'Fabric of the Cosmos' about?
It sounds fantastic!
And thank you by the way!
Reply
:icondancinghobonamedbob:
dancinghobonamedbob Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student General Artist
Its a book about quantum physics by Brian Greene, its hit the 'everything I know is a lie' chord a couple times with me already^^
And your welcome!!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Must look it up! :D
Reply
:icondancinghobonamedbob:
dancinghobonamedbob Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student General Artist
Yesh!:meow:
Reply
:iconhiddenshadowspirit:
HiddenShadowSpirit Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconhiddenshadowspirit:
HiddenShadowSpirit Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish I could write like this.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am sure you can! :)
Reply
:iconhiddenshadowspirit:
HiddenShadowSpirit Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha. I can show you some more of my poetry.
It's a bit... mediocre, to say the least.
Reply
:iconalex57691:
Alex57691 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Romantic.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Student Writer
This is so beautiful. It has amazing imagery and the words flow into each other perfectly.

This poem...gosh, this poem is like a glass of water. :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconnnyornieorknee:
NnyorNieorKnee Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's fantastic.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconbohemiandoodles:
BohemianDoodles Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love this.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icona-s-h-l-y-n:
A-s-h-l-y-n Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful poem! The imagery is awesome (:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconensaru64:
Ensaru64 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love it!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconbananasandbriefcases:
bananasandbriefcases Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Very beautiful, I love the imagery you used. :heart:
Oh and one question, how did you manage to change the font of the deviation? I've been trying to figure it out for a while and could never find out how. :XD:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
< tt > TEXT < / tt >
( No spaces. )
And thank you!
Reply
:iconbananasandbriefcases:
bananasandbriefcases Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh cool, thank you so much! And no problem. :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconsagemartell:
sagemartell Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
This is so lovely!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconrarn-barn:
RaRn-BaRn Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Excellent visuals and use of simile, well done :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much!
Reply
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