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Submitted on
June 23, 2012
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She is stardust leaving sweet bones
in her wake.  A trail of poetic destruction
conceived in verse--answering questions
with kisses.  There is a hunger in her
freckled constellations, like spider webs
woven together with golden thread.
Like the wild roses she braids in her hair:
She walks backboned and head held high;
the strongest of letters on a page
left to rest in your mouth.
There are some tales not for telling.

Featured: [link] [link]
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:iconnalateshnia:
Very well done indeed. It seems that very few understand the value of words these days, and even fewer care to learn of their lost essence. You've done and excellent job at being bold, yet not opulent with your word choice(a pitfall i oft find myself in). Do not be shamed by its length, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Specifically the use of 'poetic destruction' strikes a resounding cord with me and my own disposition on life, the visual of stardust and the resounding affect of using sweet heightens the senses and prepares the reader for whats to come. The hyper contraction of images(from constellations to spider webs) controlled with the wonderful use of the 'golden' image really is what cemented this peace for me, its a great display of not only your creativity but your own unique process by which you judge and live in this world.

The one segment that bothered me a little was the 'she walks backboned', in my mind it seems a little out of place, not because of grammar technicality, but just seemed...off? Like it was a less than ideal word choice.

I am impressed, and i don't say that lightly. Not because I consider myself some great poet, or some voice of authority on the topic(quite the opposite in fact) but simply because i don't find much i can resonate with on this level. So well done my friend, well done indeed.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
14 out of 14 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconryshufyrekat:
I found myself wanting to read this over and over again to really feel the true and full beauty it held. I really loved how you could explain what poetry is in a way that is left to one's own imagination, as poetry should. This truly is a wonderful work of art and I must commend you on it, but as this is a critique I do have a few points of growth. I find that how you placed the words was a bit confusing and that it was not as put together looking or feeling as is. It would have been nice if the sentences could stay as one whole line alone or other, though I do like that it is one whole stanza, some spacing would've been good to un-jumble it a bit.
But all in all thank you for putting out such a wonderful poem for all to read.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconfakeandcruelreality:
FakeAndCruelReality Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014
Just... wow. Beautiful.
Reply
:iconnishalibra:
nishalibra Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Student Writer
beautiful. Clap Heart 
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Student Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconsairey:
sairey Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Gorgeous imagery. <33
Reply
:iconpeppermarie:
peppermarie Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Student Filmographer
oof, this is amazing ♥
Reply
:iconthelonelyroad16:
TheLonelyRoad16 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
As somewhat of a slam poet, I find often find it difficult to find my favorite types of poetry with such quality of vibrancy and impact, but this.....is just what it's all about. If poetry were a woman, she would be exactly as described above, both morose and breath-taking, catastrophic and beautiful, an unstoppable whirlwind of devastation and blinding color. It's been a long time since I've been able to legitimately say that something took my breath away. This did. :iconbravoplz:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, thank you!
I'm not exactly a slam poet myself, though I love it with all my heart!
But this, this is poetry.
Powerful. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What's this? :)
Reply
:iconisabellamichel:
IsabellaMichel Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Student Writer
This is beautiful. Quaint but beautiful. It reminds me of the Spring, which where I come from is so short lived but so incredible all the same.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, thank you! :rose:
Reply
:icontakemyplanet:
takemyplanet Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. Your usage of imagery is absolutely profound. Usually I have to pick a piece apart to find my favorite parts, but not with this. It's beautiful in it's entirety. Great job.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013
Hey there, for #projecteducate this week we are exploring poetry forms. Myself, `thetaoofchaos and =AzizrianDaoXrak discussed Free Verse poetry here and featured this deviation. Just thought I'd let you know! Thanks.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! :)
Reply
:iconryshufyrekat:
ryshufyrekat Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
HI there *DearPoetry I actually wanted to know how you were able to post up this poetry without having to be able to view it by downloading the files. I also wrote you a hopefully fair critique and must say that it was a pleasure to read your poem.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know what you're talking about? Downloading the files? lol
Reply
:iconperson-a-b:
Person-A-B Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013
please read william blake. This poem certainly isn't bad, especially when compared to all the indulgent crap you usually get on deviant-art but I can't help feel that what you are trying to do is very similar to what he did (in a certain sense) and I think you should read his stuff before trying again.
Reply
:iconobsidianxnight:
obsidianxnight Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
I think it's very elegant, and yest that was definitely a compliment!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icondaystar-art:
Daystar-Art Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello there, it's feature time :) [link]
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconhomercat17:
Homercat17 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Dont hardly put poetry in my favorites, but this is quite good and intriguing. You have a gifted way with words that caught my attention, where many others do not. I love good poetry, and in my opinion this is quite good.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I try, I really do.
I have to sit on it for a long time--the first draft is a killer. lol
Reply
:iconbookaddicted:
bookaddicted Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012
Well, I hope very much that you know how amazing this poem is.
I know for sure that I'm going to walk around tomorrow with,
"the strongest of letters on a page/left to rest in your mouth" revolving around and around in my head.

Please write, please write, this is gorgeous
I adore it
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is one of my personal favorites. :)
I love when I find a verse that just stays in my head!

And thank you.
I plan to write forever. :heart:
Reply
:iconlivinittothemaxx:
livinittothemaxx Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student General Artist
this is amazing.
Reply
:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Student Writer
I loved every part of this.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yay! :heart:
Reply
:iconzungzwang:
zungzwang Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconmichi-iyo:
michi-iyo Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012
this hit me in the right places. you're amazing.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, hardly. :)
Reply
:iconkaiyagold:
KaiyaGold Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is soo incredibly beautiful!!!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconghostshow:
GhostShow Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012
Such a splendid flow.. It's lovely. You have a way with words.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconblackkingofnight:
BlackKingofNight Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ooooh
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconblackkingofnight:
BlackKingofNight Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:icontinderaika:
TinderAika Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Student Writer
Wow, this is beautiful. I just don't know how else to describe it.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:icongalabrotix:
galabrotix Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012
Amazing vocabulary and choice of words... it is so small but despite its size it punches you in the heartstrings, it grabs you by the head and forces you to read it.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am incapable of writing longer poems it seems.
It's a flaw I guess you could say of mine.
Reply
:icongalabrotix:
galabrotix Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012
I don't really see that as a flaw, honestly.
All art is in its own form, unique to the artist.
Length of art does not make it not art
:)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Truth. :)
Reply
:icondancing-kiwi:
Dancing-Kiwi Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Student Writer
This is a beautiful reminder that a poem does not need to rhyme to be a poem. I can't explain how much I love this! Within it is amazing imagery and it leaves one wanting more and yet not wanting to read more--at least that's how I felt. I actually had to read this out loud so I could hear what it sounded like in voice--you know what I mean? ^^' Well anyway, It's just lovely. I'm glad there are still some that appreciate words.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hate poems that rhyme, not because they rhyme--but because rhyme is so over used. It's just the same material over and over again. That is one reason why I don't have a set structure. I merely write and allow the words to take me where they lead. Free verse is where its at. :)

And yes I get the reading it out loud. I was debating on doing a spoken word for this, but it's short.
Reply
:icondancing-kiwi:
Dancing-Kiwi Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Student Writer
Exactly!
"he loves her, not me
why can't he just see
that when he and I were we--"

crappy example but yeah x3

free verse is awesome; and after scanning
through your gallery I am now trying out
a bit of Found Poetry :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ohhh found poetry is so much fun!
I encourage everyone to at least try it! :)
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