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Submitted on
June 23, 2012
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525 bytes


311 (who?)
She is stardust leaving sweet bones
in her wake.  A trail of poetic destruction
conceived in verse--answering questions
with kisses.  There is a hunger in her
freckled constellations, like spider webs
woven together with golden thread.
Like the wild roses she braids in her hair:
She walks backboned and head held high;
the strongest of letters on a page
left to rest in your mouth.
There are some tales not for telling.

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Very well done indeed. It seems that very few understand the value of words these days, and even fewer care to learn of their lost essence. You've done and excellent job at being bold, yet not opulent with your word choice(a pitfall i oft find myself in). Do not be shamed by its length, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Specifically the use of 'poetic destruction' strikes a resounding cord with me and my own disposition on life, the visual of stardust and the resounding affect of using sweet heightens the senses and prepares the reader for whats to come. The hyper contraction of images(from constellations to spider webs) controlled with the wonderful use of the 'golden' image really is what cemented this peace for me, its a great display of not only your creativity but your own unique process by which you judge and live in this world.

The one segment that bothered me a little was the 'she walks backboned', in my mind it seems a little out of place, not because of grammar technicality, but just Like it was a less than ideal word choice.

I am impressed, and i don't say that lightly. Not because I consider myself some great poet, or some voice of authority on the topic(quite the opposite in fact) but simply because i don't find much i can resonate with on this level. So well done my friend, well done indeed.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
14 out of 14 deviants thought this was fair.

I found myself wanting to read this over and over again to really feel the true and full beauty it held. I really loved how you could explain what poetry is in a way that is left to one's own imagination, as poetry should. This truly is a wonderful work of art and I must commend you on it, but as this is a critique I do have a few points of growth. I find that how you placed the words was a bit confusing and that it was not as put together looking or feeling as is. It would have been nice if the sentences could stay as one whole line alone or other, though I do like that it is one whole stanza, some spacing would've been good to un-jumble it a bit.
But all in all thank you for putting out such a wonderful poem for all to read.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

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FakeAndCruelReality Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014
Just... wow. Beautiful.
nishalibra Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Student Writer
beautiful. Clap Heart 
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Student Writer
sairey Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Gorgeous imagery. <33
peppermarie Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Student Filmographer
oof, this is amazing ♥
TheLonelyRoad16 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
As somewhat of a slam poet, I find often find it difficult to find my favorite types of poetry with such quality of vibrancy and impact, but just what it's all about. If poetry were a woman, she would be exactly as described above, both morose and breath-taking, catastrophic and beautiful, an unstoppable whirlwind of devastation and blinding color. It's been a long time since I've been able to legitimately say that something took my breath away. This did. :iconbravoplz:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, thank you!
I'm not exactly a slam poet myself, though I love it with all my heart!
But this, this is poetry.
Powerful. :)
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What's this? :)
IsabellaMichel Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Student Writer
This is beautiful. Quaint but beautiful. It reminds me of the Spring, which where I come from is so short lived but so incredible all the same.
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