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Submitted on
February 24, 2013
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I drink morphine
like peach tea;
down 6 pills by morning
just to keep my mind
filled up
with nothing.

& I know I can go days
without speaking a word

I want a moon shy girl
with wolves at her back,
bite mark ankles &
a bottle of writer’s tears
tucked under one arm.

I want to be end of the war
kisses bruised into her hipbones;
the epilogue written over her
tiger-striped skin.

With these wisteria limbs
February cold, &
these weak lungs
exhaling coralline whispers,

I’ve got a tongue for words
but still have no idea how to love
a universe girl.
I finally got around to finishing this. It's been sitting in my notebook for ages.

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I'll start by telling you I found this very, very beautiful. The concept was intreaging enough just from the title, which strikes a chord with all of us, yet the simplicity and brutality of those first few lines was such a sudden contrast that made a real impression. From there it pulled me in with gorgeous imagery - "a moon shy girl", "end of the war/kisses bruised into her hipbones" an "wisteria limbs" - that seems oddly but fascinatingly surreal. The tone, rhythm and style are hypnotic and for me it was like being granted an audience on someone's dreams. But it's down to earth too, and I love how it works its way back to the title by bringing all the poetry back down to something all of us can relate to.
Intreaging, dazzling and moving. (I think I'm in love!)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
52 out of 58 deviants thought this was fair.

"I drink morphine like peach tea...."

This line lured me into the waters of your silver pen. Such a marvelous display of wordsmithing, my friend; the craft in which you apply to your poetry leaves me breath-taken!

Know that I find this vision to be beautiful!

"the epilogue written over her tiger-striped skin"

A stanza which captures the eye into seeing the sensuous curves of this faceted metaphor for immaculate writing. It makes me feel the aching loneliness of the writer that yearns for love and companionship.

"I’ve got a tongue for words
but still have no idea how to love
a universe girl.

A lament of that which one does not have. Wishing to know the feeling of loving someone and being loved, leaves the reader with the feeling of that loneliness.

What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
22 out of 25 deviants thought this was fair.

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i don't think i am quick-witted enough to get most of what your wrote. in fact, i think i am nearly the opposite of the person drinking morphine and taking pills "to calm the conscious day." [you can use that line sometime if you want to steal it, i will probably use it too know that i see it LOL]

the title was great [hooked me ;) ] , but if you are the universe girl, i think the last line is a ...... lie.
        you obviously want the stress and hyper-awareness and memories gone, and desiring the moon shy girl means you want change, a change to protect your true individualistic self, not your body, your mind.
      so i think if my assumptions started out correct, you do love the universe girl very much. you may just need more time to find the solution to the problem.
    if being a plain jane is calming and soothing and easy, and if being special feeds the conscious ego but is "a lot of work" so to speak, the solution might be found in accepting a particular level of "special".
      "the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long" and i personally say we all ready have been given so very little time here.
     if my assumptions are wrong, because like i said i am a bit slow-witted, i apologize.
  p.s. i sometimes like looking up word definitions and seeing how they fit in the story, just like i had to with yours :)
DarkCloudAssasin Jun 28, 2013  Student Writer
such beautiful poetry, it really hits the heart at its weakest point :blackrose:
DearPoetry Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :rose:
brain-tree May 16, 2013   General Artist
oh my god
this literally gave me goosebumps

I am just in awe
DearPoetry May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
DrippingWords May 14, 2013  Student Writer
:wow: Wow. This is beautiful.
DearPoetry May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
DrippingWords Jun 1, 2013  Student Writer
williamfdevault May 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Very evocative. :blackrose:
DearPoetry May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
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