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DearPoetry by FoxofEbony


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Submitted on
March 6, 2013
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475 bytes
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24

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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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I am freezing
& I am hungry
for fever’s lips-
her inky fingers
purging
a dry stomach.

My body is an ocean,
my limbs, but oars.
My tongue & teeth,
a life raft
keeping this madness
from sinking into blue.

Offering up 102 degrees
of skin;
You would think
I had something to say.
.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconheart809:
I feel emotionally awful at the moment, so this poem makes perfect sense to me.

Vision: A four, because this topic is nothing new, but it is certainly an unusual perspective to take on it. The last line pushes the vision up because it suggests a way out of or a solution to this bad situation.

Originality: A five because the piece's approach to the topic is so unusual.

Technique: Beautiful descriptions - the only 0.5 missing is for saying "102 degrees OF skin", which messes up the flow of the poem slightly for me, since I can't make any sense out of it.

Impact: Again with that last sentence - it suggest that people feeling this way should speak up instead of suffering in silence.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
Other people and yourself included might not have something to say, but I do:

I do like this poem, with its subtle inference and the symbolic nature with which the second stanza speaks. I find that your use of subtlety is also sharp, crisp, and well managed.

I'll skip bag references and just pin-point outright: I didn't find the plot in this poem but the flow of events, and the way that they're portrayed in this work, made it worth reading.

Every word from the opening (which was haunting by the way) down to the sun child's surprising ending. good.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconxymphonie:
Xymphonie Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I really really love the end
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
mmm your poems always relate with me. I know how 102 degrees of skin feel at the moment.
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Beautiful "my body is an ocean" is a wonderful line and creates such beautiful imagery :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013
You're welcome :D
Reply
:iconshriss:
Shriss Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, good!
Reply
:iconif-you-only-knew-me:
If-you-only-knew-me Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student Writer
Your poetry makes mine feel like it's a peasant standing in front of the queen. Blarg >.< You are so talented.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Don't think like that! I am sure it's great! :)
Reply
:iconif-you-only-knew-me:
If-you-only-knew-me Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Student Writer
No no XD no no
Reply
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