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I am freezing
& I am hungry
for fever’s lips-
her inky fingers
purging
a dry stomach.

My body is an ocean,
my limbs, but oars.
My tongue & teeth,
a life raft
keeping this madness
from sinking into blue.

Offering up 102 degrees
of skin;
You would think
I had something to say.
.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconheart809:
I feel emotionally awful at the moment, so this poem makes perfect sense to me.

Vision: A four, because this topic is nothing new, but it is certainly an unusual perspective to take on it. The last line pushes the vision up because it suggests a way out of or a solution to this bad situation.

Originality: A five because the piece's approach to the topic is so unusual.

Technique: Beautiful descriptions - the only 0.5 missing is for saying "102 degrees OF skin", which messes up the flow of the poem slightly for me, since I can't make any sense out of it.

Impact: Again with that last sentence - it suggest that people feeling this way should speak up instead of suffering in silence.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbaglord-lordmindor:
Other people and yourself included might not have something to say, but I do:

I do like this poem, with its subtle inference and the symbolic nature with which the second stanza speaks. I find that your use of subtlety is also sharp, crisp, and well managed.

I'll skip bag references and just pin-point outright: I didn't find the plot in this poem but the flow of events, and the way that they're portrayed in this work, made it worth reading.

Every word from the opening (which was haunting by the way) down to the sun child's surprising ending. good.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconxymphonie:
Xymphonie Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I really really love the end
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
mmm your poems always relate with me. I know how 102 degrees of skin feel at the moment.
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Beautiful "my body is an ocean" is a wonderful line and creates such beautiful imagery :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013
You're welcome :D
Reply
:iconshriss:
Shriss Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, good!
Reply
:iconif-you-only-knew-me:
If-you-only-knew-me Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student Writer
Your poetry makes mine feel like it's a peasant standing in front of the queen. Blarg >.< You are so talented.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Don't think like that! I am sure it's great! :)
Reply
:iconif-you-only-knew-me:
If-you-only-knew-me Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013  Student Writer
No no XD no no
Reply
:iconfb-phe13:
Fb-PHE13 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautifully written! I love this.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconfb-phe13:
Fb-PHE13 Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome!
Reply
:iconmission-46:
Mission-46 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
You even make a cold into poetry. Nice - really like!!! Hope you are feeling better. Tc and God bless
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
Amazing!
Love the images and metaphors of the second stanza specially!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconstarlightshoals:
StarlightShoals Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student Writer
I don't feel good either, so I kinda-sorta get it...
Reply
:iconricardo-orozco:
Ricardo-Orozco Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ugh , I like it but I don't get it : ' (
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't feel good. I don't make sense when I don't feel good. :(
Reply
:iconricardo-orozco:
Ricardo-Orozco Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
aw no :' ( ,
well heres my take on it... your "freezing" so your yearning for fever's lips so... Warmth.. maybe your muse? her "inky fingers" has rid you of

My body is an ocean,
my limbs, but oars.
My tongue & teeth,
a life raft
keeping this madness
from sinking into blue.

This made sense to me except the body is an ocean...So your limbs are paddling through this world... and the only thing to keep you alive is your poetry.

I'm guessing the last paragraph is... you finally get to kiss fever's lips which could be the sun child and you become very hot but still feel like your not enough to write something worthwhile
Reply
:iconricardo-orozco:
Ricardo-Orozco Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oops... her "inky fingers" has rid you made u more comfortable
Reply
:iconricardo-orozco:
Ricardo-Orozco Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
omg.. typos everywhere. her "inky fingers has rid you of the dry stomache,
Reply
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