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Submitted on
January 21
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i.
When I was six a phoenix
tried to drown me.
Underwater I grabbed for fire.

Like Icarus, I was reaching
towards the sun.

I hope he still has
bald spots. I hope he still
cradles searing scars.

He was death,
I was the bird.

ii.
My uncle knows plastic-
wrapped soaps as well
as he knows fine wines.

If he drinks enough,
he thinks it’s love-
carved names rubbing
the silver drain smooth. Diver: 28 days
sweating, ship black against
sea. Like it had been peeled
from amber tongues.

iii.
On my fifteenth birthday, the boy
with stars on his fists and Saturn’s
rings in his eyes told me I was pretty.
It was the first time
anyone had said so. I learned
how to hold my breath,
how to apply foundation,
how to cry

without bleeding tar
down my cheeks,
and how to wear my bones
quieter.

iv.
He says he does it for the money.
He says you have to come up slowly
or else something inside of you will explode.

I didn’t understand what he meant
until I realized my throat was still
somewhere in his bed, tired
and having forgotten itself.

v.
When I left I drove as far
and as fast as I could.
I wear waterproof mascara now. But even

with the feathers sprouting fiery from between
my shoulder blades - I don't look
straight at the sun.
A collaboration between myself and the beautifully talented winterkate!
If you fav mine, please, please, please fav hers! Sundiveri.
When I was six a phoenix
tried to drown me.
Underwater I grabbed for fire.
Like Icarus, I was reaching
towards the sun.
I hope he still has
bald spots. I hope he still
cradles searing scars.
He was death,
I was the bird.
ii.
My uncle knows plastic-
wrapped soaps as well
as he knows fine wines.
If he drinks enough,
he thinks it’s love-
carved names rubbing
the silver drain smooth. Diver: 28 days
sweating, ship black against
sea. Like it had been peeled
from amber tongues.
iii.
On my fifteenth birthday, the boy
with stars on his fists and Saturn’s
rings in his eyes told me I was pretty.
It was the first time
anyone had said so. I learned
how to hold my breath,
how to apply foundation,
how to cry
without bleeding tar
down my cheeks,
and how to wear my bones
quieter.
iv.
He says he does it for the money.
He says you have to come up slowly
or else something inside of you will explode.
I didn’t understand what he meant
until I realized my throat was still
somewhere in hi


Also, this isn't the first poem I've written with her, and probably wont be the last.

Stephanie -Collab(I wrote us in free verse over every inch
               of your tattered surface ).
you were the beatific grin
of a kindergartener high off oxygen,
mouth stretched wide as the entrance to hell,
black tongue bleeding virtuous sin like ichor.
(You taught me praying was for the weak
      as I fell for your gypsum nails,
               white teeth scrabbling over my chalkboard frame).
               
scribbled flesh tells no love story
but three layers of skin
worn thin along the length of our feverish bones.
(Garden flowers tucked away worms and dirt,
      my ribs hoarded misspellings of my mother's name).
dipping your origami limbs into my ink,
you lost yourself within the dark tangles
of my labyrinth roo
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:iconxkyuu-chanx:
I would like to say that, in some of them they were a bit hard to understand. I am not saying they were beautiful, because they were for sure. Though I had a little bit of difficulty understanding the thought behind the work. Though with two working together, this was still quite an amazing piece. I am happy both of you shared this, because it was a nice read for sure. So kindly keep up the good work, and I hope to possibly see more work between you two. For you both truly compliment each other with writing. Please share your work again with us!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbeyond-an-anomaly:
My, this piece is gorgeous. It really had me thinking for a while around what exactly this poem meant...

But first, let's talk about structure.

I actually cannot think of a better way you could have formatted this poem. It tells a story, albeit abstract, into five different sections. Your wording is very precise, and I really love the first stanza:

"When I was six a phoenix
tried to drown me.
Underwater I grabbed for fire."

It already shows the tone the overall piece gives: wonder, and possibly the slight hint of dreams/imagination. The quote, "Underwater I grabbed for fire..." is really eye-catching and grabbed my attention, as it's obviously not a common comparison.

Now, as for the meaning...

This is surely a poem that can be taken in so many different ways...but this was what I got out of it:

i. A young girl loses her innocence...
ii. her uncle is an alcoholic...
iii. she turns fifteen and falls in love with a handsome and dreamy boy...
iv. it turns out he doesn't love her back, possibly only loving her for monetary reasons or just being a more materialistic person...
v. and she feels sorrow afterwards, hoping to be stronger if she ever gets heartbroken again.

Losing innocence and teenage antics are rather common to read about these days, but you wrote the implied story within this poem really well. I really adored the way you wrote this, in a more abstract, surreal fashion; I don't even know if this poem was really about being a teenager. Someone else can come along and pull out a completely opposite meaning from this.

And that is where the true beauty of this poem lies. It all depends on who reads this poem as to what this poem truly means; whether the reader is confused or enlightened, the reader will be thinking when reading this piece. That's what good literature is all about, you know?

All in all, very nice work. I'll be thinking about this piece for a while. :)

-BAA
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
14 out of 14 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconphoenixflamesrising:
PhoenixFlamesRising Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014
Aaagh... sometimes a poem is so perfect, so beautiful, so brutally poignant, that it almost hurts to read it. "Hurts so good" type of thing... This is most definitely one of those poems; literally one of the best poems I've read in quite some time. I'm new to the DeviantArt poetry community, but I'm beginning to think this is a treasure trove of published writers, OR those who SHOULD be published writers. Just amazing...
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I hope to be published, eventually! :)
Reply
:iconmirajane-satansoul:
Mirajane-SatanSoul Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Student General Artist

this is definitely one of the deeper poems I have read. it's so...I don't know the but it shakes you to the core...

and it's beautiful in a dangerous sort of way I give you two a five-million-star rating <3 and you have inspired me to become a better writer.

~ice-chan 

Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014  Student Writer
iii. & v. :heart:
Reply
:iconluna-rai:
Luna-Rai Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow, this is beautiful. I particularly enjoyed the third section. 
Reply
:iconhelbdrache:
helbdrache Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
Intriguing
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Student Writer
this was actually fantastic
Reply
:icontarosmyr:
TarosMyr Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014   Writer
What a wonderful collaboration.
Reply
:iconaikalikka:
aikalikka Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The end made me shiver.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014   General Artist
magnificent piece, you two! :clap: <3
Reply
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