Sta.sh
- Dance with fistfuls of roses, shred their petals one by one and wear their thorns like armor.
- Write your secrets between the folds of paper cranes and tuck them safely between the empty spaces of your castle ribs.
- Open your broken heart to hummingbirds, allow them the warmth and shelter of your arms.
- Rebel. Tape poetry to your limbs, Cummings and Sandburg and Sexton.
- Take a walk outside of your skin for a while, run with wolves.
- Extinguish that forest fire that’s been curling too long in your lungs.
- Be that lionhearted girl those snobby poets always write about.
- Allow that cavern of stars in your throat to speak your truths in uppercase letters, in free verse yet to be proofread.
- Write about wars and victory.
- Be the hero.
- Save yourself.
Vision: I gave this a 4 because, although it isn't very vivid as some of your pieces are, you clearly had to notice things - consciously or not - to come up with such an accurate list.
Originality: This has a 4 and a half for having it in this format. It's perfect for what you seem to be attempting to convey. The approach - it reads like a 'how to' - is very unusual, making it original, in my mind.
Technique: See above. The other half a point is for diction and the order of words in the sentences - the emphasis is neatly done.
Impact: Surprisingly, I had to give it a 3 because - for me, at least - it wasn't earth-shattering. It didn't really hold much weight for the reader... but it was still a pleasant enough read.
As pleasant as your beautifully morbid works are.
Let's look closer.
The descriptions are rather colorful, and they vary, which is a good way to keep interest.
You not only describe fanciful images, but real ones that can actually be done as well, which is definitely attractive.
Furtermore, the emotion is clearly and definably present in the writing, and that is an important thing to master. No emotion means it is dry and will seem a pointless read, even if it is not so when you get to the heart of the content.
To sum it up, well done, and keep up the good work.
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