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Submitted on
January 29, 2014
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i will never
be nice
to my enemies.

i will devour them all.

slowly.
methodically.



with a fork.
A lot of you wanted dark humor.
Is this enough for you?
....bye.

Update: WHY IS THIS ON THE FRONT PAGE?
GO AWAYYYYY.

Update 2:  I'm serious.
Add a Comment:
 
:icontakamakamori:
Takamakamori Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
HA!!!! X'D
I love it!!!!
Reply
:iconhikaru199:
Hikaru199 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2015
Really nice. What did it for me was the lack of capitalization which was then coupled with the periods. This added to the feel of the poem, at least for me, in the sense that the lack of a capital letter made it seem rushed, but that rush was brought to an end by the period, almost as if a reminder that this is something to be savoured, something to be vengefully enjoyed.
Reply
:iconyogapoetmama:
yogapoetmama Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This made me smile. :) 
Reply
:iconbloodtheshinyabsol:
BloodTheShinyAbsol Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014
WITH A FORK!
:iconforkplz:

(What?
Reply
:iconalexeina:
Alexeina Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
For some reason this is just amazing :XD: Thank you for the dark poetry! Lol
Reply
:iconmonstermanga1022:
monstermanga1022 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist
Oh god, lmao!
Reply
:iconlightsonluna:
LightsOnLuna Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this. Short, sweet, and very much to the point. 
Reply
:iconbitteryetsweet:
bitteryetsweet Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
What is it mortal? Have you come to be of service to Sheogorath? That in of itself speaks towards your madness. This pleases me. Fetch the Fork of Horripilation from the Mad Hermit near Al Redaynia. Take care with him; he's not the most...stable man.

Use the fork wisely, mortal. Few have wielded it to have not come away unchanged. Use the fork to strike a death blow to the Giant Bull Netch that resides near the hermit. Do this, return the Fork of Horripilation to me, and Sheogorath will reward you well.
Reply
:icondarksack100:
darksack100 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
I disagree with this.

Only 20% of all enemies made during a lifetime should be devoured and this should be done only with a small drinking straw and a butter knife.
Reply
:iconphoenixflamesrising:
PhoenixFlamesRising Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014
Cannabalism has never been more poignant...    :)
Reply
:iconender-wings:
Ender-Wings Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
XD is all I can say... but in a way, it is VERY dark.
Reply
:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
...Hannibal
Reply
:iconkecharagrl:
kecharagrl Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014
this made me laugh. :)
Reply
:iconscarsfrommypastlife:
ScarsFromMyPastLife Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

:allthethings: :says: Eat all of the enemies!

But seriously, this is really funny/kinda dark/ all the way awesome. Also, please remind me not to get on your bad side!

Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014
Haha this is great . I wish they had this on a plaque or something XD
And this totally deserves to be on the front page ! 
Reply
:iconotakugirlpwnsall:
Otakugirlpwnsall Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Student General Artist
I want this on my bedroom wall. XD
Reply
:iconinvexx:
invexx Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I would like to frame this xDD
Reply
:iconpokepower888:
Pokepower888 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
With.

A.

FORK.

Too good. Just... :iconcannotevenplz:
Reply
:iconjustcallmezoola:
JustCallMeZoola Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
with a fork XD I love it
Reply
:iconlyrica-lee:
Lyrica-Lee Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
WITH A FORK!!! Gah, you have no idea how many times a day I threaten people with forks. This is dark and hilarious, well done!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student Writer
Haha, this is great.
Reply
:iconthegamingdrawer:
thegamingdrawer Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow you meant devouring them literally
Reply
:iconpanzercrappitista:
PanzerCrappitista Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My feeble attempt at dark poetry: 
There was a switch on the wall, 
and so
you clicked it off

and ate cereal
because it was midnight;
technically morning
and cocopuffs were always better

in the dark. 
Reply
:iconwolfgang627:
Wolfgang627 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student General Artist
no offence but the only thing remotely dark about this poem is your preference for cocopufs
Reply
:iconpanzercrappitista:
PanzerCrappitista Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:) That's the point. 
Reply
:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i'm conflicted. I like it though.
Reply
:iconpanzercrappitista:
PanzerCrappitista Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you 
:)
Reply
:iconarhodiana:
Arhodiana Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

With a fork.

Amazing; I doubt there's any better example of dark humour out there! If there is, I'd like to see it.

Reply
:iconbluesoulgreenmind:
BlueSoulGreenMind Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
I read this wrong or remembered it wrong because I swore for some reason it read:
"i will be nice 
to my enemies. 

i will devour them all.

slowly.
methodically.
equally.


with a fork."

Haha I thought you were going for this sarcastic tone with the first line. It's still nice.
It shows your "distaste" for your enemies or rather your "appetite" for their discomfort. 
Reply
:iconmiadiangels:
MiaDiAngels Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
This is awesome, great one, really liked your "dark humor"
Reply
:iconliving-in-his-head:
living-in-his-head Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
I LOVE how this was something that just came out of your mouth in a conversation the other night and now it is DA front page. LOL
Reply
:iconangelalala923:
Angelalala923 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Interface Designer
ahahaha to the poem, but mostly your comments.
Reply
:icondeidarasgirl29:
Deidarasgirl29 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
haha very nice XD
Reply
:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014   Writer
ha! found you from the front page! "dark poetry" in the title gets you special attention at DA apparently.

you know, devouring your friends with a military issue mess kit could work, too; and it's a good way of expressing your friendship to someone.

I will be reading you a little more. Good to meet you.
Reply
:iconalphabetsoup314:
alphabetsoup314 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Is it a rusty fork?
Reply
:icontaminfury:
TaminFury Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Hahahaha I died laughing!
Reply
:iconlion-trainer:
Lion-Trainer Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Darkest poetry Ever! XD
Reply
:iconsugresistance:
SUGresistance Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Digital Artist
:nuu: Don't eat meeeeee!

Lol, nice one :D
Reply
:iconraberbagirl:
raberbagirl Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I usually comment on everything I Favorite, but your "GO AWAAAYYYY" response to your readers was annoying and rude, so I won't bother telling you what I think about the poem itself.
Reply
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
That other commenter was just being rude, but she was just joking when she said "GO AWAAAAYYYYY"  

She obviously didn't think it would get on front page and is probably surprised. Its funny when stuff like that happens so she made a joke, jeez.

I thought it wa funny >.>
Reply
:iconraberbagirl:
raberbagirl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
There were zero indications that it was a joke. It could have been meant in jest, but it just as easily may not have been; there's absolutely no confirmation one way or the other. That's why I said that regardless of intent, it SOUNDS rude.
Reply
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
You also sayed that because of a mere misunderstanding you wouldn't say how you felt about the poem? If you really believe it could have just been taken as rude (which it wasn't) then why say something so childish.



Reply
:iconraberbagirl:
raberbagirl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I said it because I'm tired of hearing artists whine about the attention their work gets.
Reply
:iconthegreatrayne12:
TheGreatRayne12 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
Its because most artist don't feels worthy of so much attention. Its odd and makes you wish someone who is more talented is in the 'spotlight'. Especially when its something you only half tried on, because you know someone who put their heart into something is waiting for their first DD or something. 

Last comment, all I'm saying is its not whining. 
Reply
:iconraberbagirl:
raberbagirl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
About your first paragraph, exactly. That sort of attitude annoys me. If they don't want attention, then they shouldn't post their work.
Reply
:iconliving-in-his-head:
living-in-his-head Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
Cunt.
Reply
:iconraberbagirl:
raberbagirl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So rude writers attract even ruder fans, is that how it works?
Reply
:iconliving-in-his-head:
living-in-his-head Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
I don't know any rude writers. I just see a flaming cunt of a troll with shallow understanding of common sense and humor. Please don't procreate.
Reply
:iconraberbagirl:
raberbagirl Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not a troll. You're the one who's acting like a troll. I have no intention of ever procreating. It would not be a good idea for you to procreate, either, since your behavior would be a terrible example to any offspring.
Reply
:iconliving-in-his-head:
living-in-his-head Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
It's not my fault that you're not happy about being a such a stupid cunt. Only you can fix yourself.
Reply
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