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DearPoetry by FoxofEbony

I by dearspineless


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Submitted on
June 24, 2013
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we are the best at exploiting weakness.

the night you took a scalpel to my chest
& fed my heart to the stars,
you told me i could hate you
if i needed to.

with an exorcism
i tried to cast you out
of my body.  

i was contorted limbs:
the language of tongues
trying to find myself
in the cosmos
of lit kerosene fingertips,

& the kinds of habits
that only choke me at 3am -
when my eyes aren’t yet heavy
enough for sleep;

my mind tells me to do awful things.

between fucking &
i-don’t-know-who-i-am-
anymore,
you are the calories
in the mathematical equation
scribbled &
    scratched out
of me.

i think of shy moons
and i don’t eat for three days.

admit it;
you only liked me
when this poetic tongue
licked compliments
up
    & down
your scars.  

but,
space shrapnel aside-

you’re too far down now
for even the stars
to graph you into their maps.
I'm done.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlilacgiraffe:
This is beyond perfect! The vision behind it was very well expressed. It's wording was rhythmic and the though you put into even the the spacing between phrases was extremly influencial! Though i have never read any of your works before, it looks as though I'm going to need to. Between the sudden anger that quickly turned to saddness then dissapointment, I was overwhelmed with the ammount of emotion put behind this piece. You said that you were 'possesed' by this person's words and to tried to cast them out and the feeling in those two stanzas alone would have been enough to put you on the front page. The phrase, "you are the calories in the mathematical equation..." was a complex one, with either hidden meaning or rather a relation to a struggle you have. Also, when you say that you were only liked when you treated this person with care and when you spoke the truth to them, that like was gone, it relates very well to myself and other people who know the pain of loosing someone due to honesty. Thank you so much for writing this because it was deeply touching!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
97 out of 124 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconin-the-night-skies:
The ending was a bit too perfect. Like everything fell perfectly in place. I thought the imagery of the kerosene fingertips was made as a great description to how you look at the stars. I loved how you mixed your self doubt to show the emotions poets go through.. Like taking a shot for your work each time we put something out there for others to read. Overall, I believe that phrases like, "language of tongues" and "I think of shy moons and I don't eat for three days" will stay with readers for a long time.
This is one of the most unique perspectives for a poem I have read in quite some time. Great job! You are an amazing poet and writer!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
164 out of 172 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconawildedisciple:
AWildeDisciple Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015  New member Hobbyist Writer
How beautiful. Your words paint pictures that speak more words. And not one of them can be said aloud without the sound itself giving a new interpretation to what is being spoken.
Your style is unique and fresh. Reading your poetry has been a delight beyond expression.

I do not define myself as a poet. But poetry has defined me. And it has defined you perfectly.
Thank you for the fresh inspiration
#Newfan
Reply
:icondevilsmatrix:
DevilsMatrix Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Student Writer
admit it;
you only liked me
when this poetic tongue 
licked compliments
up 
    & down 
your scars.  


This just strikes so much emotion into me, such a harsh truth, my favorite kind.
This is by far one of my most favorite pieces so far on Deviantart. Tragic, Beautiful, Savage. 
Reply
:iconmuffledsilver:
muffledsilver Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
Brilliant. The most beautiful thing ive read in a while.
Reply
:iconreireiserenade:
ReiReiSerenade Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this is just amazing!! :clap: :heart:
Reply
:iconspiderwebwisher:
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hello, I'm a contributor for LiteratureRoadtrip and you have been featured in this week's Friday Feature! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:wow: x10000000000000000

You have written a truly incredible piece. You are seriously the master are creating breathtaking imagery (that should really be a thing!) and your writing style is simply beautiful. My favourite part of the piece is:

"i was contorted limbs:
the language of tongues 
trying to find myself 
in the cosmos 
of lit kerosene fingertips"

The best thing about your writing style, in my opinion, is the fact that it has so much impact. Every word seems to be so carefully chosen.

I love this! :heart:
Reply
:iconsciencevsart:
sciencevsart Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Good god.
Reply
:iconquizward:
Quizward Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Student Writer
This is astounding. 
Reply
:iconinmyroom:
inmyroom Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013
I really enjoyed this, it's very much my style or writing so it's a joy to read. I'm going to do something I've not done in about 4 years - add you toi my dev watch.

Corinne x 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconmdot9:
Mdot9 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Student Photographer
Wow very powerful ! I love this piece!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconwhimandwonder:
whimandwonder Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, wow, wow. I'm in love with everything here. Especially "lit kerosene fingertips."
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! C:
Reply
:iconcountessa:
countessa Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013
"you only liked me
when this poetic tongue
licked compliments
up
& down
your scars. "

Absolutely loved and connected with this. Incredibly graphic and explicitely true. Beautiful!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconthisistiki:
thisistiki Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
I think this is my favorite poem of yours. I especially love "you only liked me when this poetic tongue licked compliments up & down your scars." The way you write things is so unique and interesting. It gets me thinking and questioning even the most ordinary things. I really look up to your and your writing skills! You are amazing!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much! You're kind words have put a smile on my face!
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"When this poetic tongue licked compliments up & down your scars".... gives me chills.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconmothermoonsayshello:
MotherMoonSaysHello Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
All that I can say is that this was absolutely lovely, wonderfully written. You have a very beautiful and unique style, and that makes a lot of a poet. I only wish that I could find a more poetic way to praise you, but I'm not much of a poet, myself :aww:

Either way, this was very well done, and definitely leaves one with mixed emotions. It is a very powerful work, and I hope to read more from you, dear. Well done!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013   General Artist
oh gosh i wish i could just jump outta my screen to :tighthug: dear friend
you're such a beautiful poet and wonderful existence in this world :heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, dear heart. Your kind words mean a lot!
Reply
:iconwolfess10:
Wolfess10 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Definitely well written. It resonates with all of us, and you're imagery was fantastic.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconxxartimisxx:
xXArtimisXx Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student General Artist
This is really deep... And I like that. :)
Reply
:iconstydja-dauthleikr:
stydja-dauthleikr Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Brilliant...
Reply
:iconpepperseeds:
PepperSeeds Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i am in love
Reply
:iconflaming-rose-of-gold:
Flaming-Rose-of-Gold Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow this is awesome! Great job!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconworldscanvas:
Worldscanvas Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
I have never read anything more accurate in my life
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconshamrockz12:
shamrockz12 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
Captures angst very acutely. Read "Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (if you haven't already). Your poem reminded me of it.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:icongodnhumans:
Godnhumans Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
licked compliments

lol sexiest line ever
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:icons1nktty:
s1nktty Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
I've read it many times now...I find it both beautifully written and painful to read.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and I'm sorry. :(
Reply
:iconcryoblue:
CryoBlue Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Student Digital Artist
poetry is the weakest form of writing. Discuss.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What makes you think that?
Reply
:iconcryoblue:
CryoBlue Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student Digital Artist
It's a very simple, weak writing style. It requires a lot less work than proper novel writing.

You basically just have to rhyme, and even then many forms of poetry don't require that.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know if you realize this but you just called a hard working poets craft and creative expression weak. Writing is fucking hard, regardless if it's a 50k novel, or a haiku. I can go days, weeks, years even trying to write how I feel without it coming out just right until one day I find the right words and all that work pays off.

And it shows how little you know about poetry when you throw 'rhyme' into your argument. Poetry does not have to rhyme to make it a strong piece. I dare yiu to sit down and try to write a poem. Write from your gut, dig deep and tear out your own heart; i promise the words will make sense to you eventually.
Reply
:iconcryoblue:
CryoBlue Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Poetry Sucks.
Reply
:iconcausticsunrise:
CausticSunrise Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are so very right. Personally, I can never find the words to express myself in person, but when I transpose my emotion into written words I feel understood. Or at the very least I feel I can dispel my frustration.

To CryoBlue I say this: novels and poetry are completely different forms of writing, and are read with completely different expectations, and therefore cannot be compared.
Reply
:iconmaddyaxstevens:
maddyaxstevens Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013
Wow. I'm amazed at how perfect every word and phrase is. You are a fantastic writer. Keep it up.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconmanlarr:
Manlarr Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013   Photographer
I like your style. Very unique with maybe even a bit of e e cummings mixed in. Very nice work. Thank you for sharing.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Maybe, because I deeply respect e.e cummings. <3
Reply
:iconmanlarr:
Manlarr Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013   Photographer
I do as well. I don't write anymore but my college professor in a poetry class ( who had some work published when he was younger ) once told me to learn to write like those you admire and then your own style will emerge. I think that is true. I also liked Shelly quite a bit and many others.
I will look forward to reading more of your work when I have time. Thanks for sharing it here on DA.
Reply
:iconcharliethepirate:
CharlieThePirate Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This poem is positively beautiful. I can't seem to stop reading it over and over. The end was magnificent. 'lit kerosene fingertips'? Brilliant! And the imagery of
-
'admit it;
you only liked me
when this poetic tongue
licked compliments
up
& down
your scars. '
-
was art in and of itself! Bravo. This is amazing. I mean, I first read it a couple weeks ago but it's still stuck in my head, the tiny bits and pieces swimming around in my thoughts.
Reply
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