Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icondearpoetry: More from DearPoetry


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
June 24, 2013
File Size
1.3 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
12,784
Favourites
1,496 (who?)
Comments
378
Downloads
85

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
we are the best at exploiting weakness.

the night you took a scalpel to my chest
& fed my heart to the stars,
you told me i could hate you
if i needed to.

with an exorcism
i tried to cast you out
of my body.  

i was contorted limbs:
the language of tongues
trying to find myself
in the cosmos
of lit kerosene fingertips,

& the kinds of habits
that only choke me at 3am -
when my eyes aren’t yet heavy
enough for sleep;

my mind tells me to do awful things.

between fucking &
i-don’t-know-who-i-am-
anymore,
you are the calories
in the mathematical equation
scribbled &
    scratched out
of me.

i think of shy moons
and i don’t eat for three days.

admit it;
you only liked me
when this poetic tongue
licked compliments
up
    & down
your scars.  

but,
space shrapnel aside-

you’re too far down now
for even the stars
to graph you into their maps.
I'm done.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlilacgiraffe:
This is beyond perfect! The vision behind it was very well expressed. It's wording was rhythmic and the though you put into even the the spacing between phrases was extremly influencial! Though i have never read any of your works before, it looks as though I'm going to need to. Between the sudden anger that quickly turned to saddness then dissapointment, I was overwhelmed with the ammount of emotion put behind this piece. You said that you were 'possesed' by this person's words and to tried to cast them out and the feeling in those two stanzas alone would have been enough to put you on the front page. The phrase, "you are the calories in the mathematical equation..." was a complex one, with either hidden meaning or rather a relation to a struggle you have. Also, when you say that you were only liked when you treated this person with care and when you spoke the truth to them, that like was gone, it relates very well to myself and other people who know the pain of loosing someone due to honesty. Thank you so much for writing this because it was deeply touching!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
95 out of 121 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconin-the-night-skies:
The ending was a bit too perfect. Like everything fell perfectly in place. I thought the imagery of the kerosene fingertips was made as a great description to how you look at the stars. I loved how you mixed your self doubt to show the emotions poets go through.. Like taking a shot for your work each time we put something out there for others to read. Overall, I believe that phrases like, "language of tongues" and "I think of shy moons and I don't eat for three days" will stay with readers for a long time.
This is one of the most unique perspectives for a poem I have read in quite some time. Great job! You are an amazing poet and writer!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
162 out of 169 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconmuffledsilver:
muffledsilver Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
Brilliant. The most beautiful thing ive read in a while.
Reply
:iconreireiserenade:
ReiReiSerenade Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this is just amazing!! :clap: :heart:
Reply
:iconspiderwebwisher:
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hello, I'm a contributor for LiteratureRoadtrip and you have been featured in this week's Friday Feature! Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:wow: x10000000000000000

You have written a truly incredible piece. You are seriously the master are creating breathtaking imagery (that should really be a thing!) and your writing style is simply beautiful. My favourite part of the piece is:

"i was contorted limbs:
the language of tongues 
trying to find myself 
in the cosmos 
of lit kerosene fingertips"

The best thing about your writing style, in my opinion, is the fact that it has so much impact. Every word seems to be so carefully chosen.

I love this! :heart:
Reply
:iconsciencevsart:
sciencevsart Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
Good god.
Reply
:iconquizward:
Quizward Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Student Writer
This is astounding. 
Reply
:iconinmyroom:
inmyroom Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013
I really enjoyed this, it's very much my style or writing so it's a joy to read. I'm going to do something I've not done in about 4 years - add you toi my dev watch.

Corinne x 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconmdot9:
Mdot9 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Student Photographer
Wow very powerful ! I love this piece!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
Add a Comment: