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i have a buildup
of black holes
suffocating my arteries,
having swallowed down
the bitter taste of too many
girls with galaxies traveling
the length of their spines.

i ate them in mouthfuls,
gaping & sad like a binge
reaching for the skies-
unable to hold them all in.

i don’t think the universe
is as vast
& wondrous
as it used to be,
thriving
between the
intercostal spaces
of my ribs;

i am hungry.

& with a collection
of moon sighs
as a reminder
in my pockets,
i will just have to learn
how to calm this swollen
indigo pulse
                    while eating.
i don't know what to say about this one.
i'm just going to go hide now because i don't like anything i write anymore.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcrystallized-skies:
First off I just want to say that I've always admired your style of writing. It's complex and evoking, mind-tingling, and all around inspirational. I love everything you write.

The way you piece words together to form these masterpieces is amazing. Somehow you bring ordinary, common words together in combinations that no on would ever think of and you create this vivid imagery and raw emotion that is so unique to your writing.

I particularly like this piece. I like how it flows and the way you played with the star related themes throughout the piece. I also like how you compare the emotions and actions of the piece to binge eating. It's a topic I personally have never seen addressed before and it's just so amazing how you've incorporated it here. There is such a desolate and unfortunate feeling surrounding this poem, yet the words evoke this melancholy but oh so awe inspiring thought of beauty.

Overall it's a gorgeous piece and I adore it. Please keep writing wonderful pieces of artwork like this.

:heart:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
29 out of 29 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbalonitoni999:
I, honest to god, think that is a wonderful and inspirational way to approach a serious topic like binge eating (or any eating disorder for that matter) I have a problem like this myself (eating disorder) and I think that this is a very descriptive and good way to describe it. I also love how you used that metaphor with the universe to express the hunger.

In my opinion this piece is very well written and impressive. I don't think that I could have written it any better myself. But remember- even with things on this website- use capitals! (Mostly for all those Grammar and spelling freaks ;) )
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
17 out of 17 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icongrowinluvhandles:
growinluvhandles Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student Writer
This is just such a wonderful portrayal of so much that is so sad about our society.

Congrats on writing something so beautiful and so meaningful!

Thanks.
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:wow:

I really, really like how you take such serious and important topics such as binge eating (or, in the case of one of your other poems, self-harm) and create a poem that captures it in a really poetic way. The poem itself is beautifully written (you choose such beautiful words!), I really like the way you went about writing this. As always the imagery is breathtaking. I found it difficult to choose my favourite part of the poem, so I went with two:

"the bitter taste of too many
girls with galaxies traveling
the length of their spines."

and

"thriving
between the
intercostal spaces
of my ribs"

The only thing that I want to say, however, is that whilst your imagery is amazing, sometimes it seems that you spend so much time doing that that it takes a while for the reader to get the message. Does that make sense? Because I think that if you hadn't titled the piece 'binge eating' it would have taken me a few read throughs to get what this poem was about :) Just something for you to think about, I guess.

:heart:
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013   Writer
The description within this piece is amazing as it gives one the sense of the eating without being so obvious. I think that this is very well written.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconririfrenchfri:
Ririfrenchfri Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your a really amazing writer!
Reply
:icongrimmassassin:
GrimmAssassin Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the first stanza and the way you ended the poem.
Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013
You have such an amazing way if looking at things! This is wonderful!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You write from countless perspectives, write with the fingers of animals and gods and intangible concepts, and what comes pouring out is the ramblings and philosophy of the soul.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Let me love you! <3
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh, um, okay!? ^^
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student Writer
I know what you mean about not liking what you write....going through a bit of that myself. This is better than you think, though:)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! <3
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Student Writer
Of course:huggle:
Reply
:icondreamamongstars:
DreamAmongStars Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This reminds me of something I read a while back. What that was, I have no idea, but I love the bit about "galaxies traveling down the length of their spines." This is beautiful. Absolutely fantastic.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconarinadadragonspeaker:
Masterfully done. My favorite part is definitely girls with galaxies traveling / the length of their spines. It's such a great image.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconarinadadragonspeaker:
You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconaikalikka:
aikalikka Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I absolutely adore your poetry, but be careful not to fall in same usage of words,
I've seen you are very fond of stars and galaxies, and I know that you can come up with
other words too! :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know. I'm just a huge fan of this topic and it always seems to show up in my work. None of my work is the exact same, I just like to think these galaxy poems are part of a set theme. C:
Reply
:iconaikalikka:
aikalikka Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, I know your themes differ, but I prefer
change for a chance. Still loving what you do ♥
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'll see what I can do for you. :)
Reply
:iconbandlover99:
BandLOVER99 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
So beautiful... You are my one of my favorite poets in the whole world, I love your work and your style is unique... Keep writing....
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! <3
Reply
:iconbandlover99:
BandLOVER99 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
NP
Reply
:iconkecharagrl:
kecharagrl Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
Dear Poetry,

I read poetry. Your work is wonderful. You have a way with piecing together your thoughts, or just words that I can't really describe. I hope that soon you will come to love your work again as we all do.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know what's wrong with me right now.
I think I'm just in a funk. Thank you though for this!
Reply
:iconkecharagrl:
kecharagrl Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
we all get in a funk sometimes. :) And it's then that our thoughts tend to go their own ways. :) You're very welcome. Keep your chin up.
Reply
:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
Really touching, mature and very well made.
Don´t feel bad about what you write, we all like your posts!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconjordie0710:
Jordie0710 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
Am lost for words on this, so I'll just add this to my favorites.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondoktorspankenstein:
DoktorSpankenstein Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
Stop hiding. (It only ecourages pervs like me to hunt you.)

You need say nothing about this one. It speaks for itself. I know this feeling all too well myself. All the things I devour to replace what I hunger for.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Maybe I find the thought of being hunted kind of thrilling? ;)

I love how you always seem to know exactly what I'm talking about in my work!
Reply
:icondoktorspankenstein:
DoktorSpankenstein Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013
Now you're teasing me... ;P

I always know what you are talking about because your work is well crafted, and thus I can identify with the experiences we have in common. This is what sharing poetry is for.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yep. Another one that hits too close to home.

This was beautiful. All the right words were chosen to make the reader cringe at the vivid imagery.

It kind of hurts.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry, and thank you. It was really just a spur of the moment write.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Student Writer
2nd to last line -- "pulse," not "pules"

also, i think the imagery in this is solid.
however, the words "i am empty" are sooo prevalent in poetry nowadays that by writing them, you are giving in to a cliche and your work is far greater than that. omitting that small bit would only enhance the poem.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Opps, thanks for pointing that out to me! :D

As for 'i am empty', I'll have to look into that. I was going for an idea of 'hunger' using that line.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Student Writer
of course this is just my opinion, but changing "i am empty" and literally saying what you meant - "i am hungry" - would be a wonderful addition to the poem; "i am hungry" sounds so much more raw and passionate. emptiness is romanticized far too much nowadays, so people don't really relate to the word as they used to.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very good point--I think I will change it now. Thank you.
It's helpful comments like these that make my writing all the better. ^^
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Student Writer
hahaha no probem! :heart:
Reply
:iconreyray:
ReyRay Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:tighthug: I loved it. Your writing is beautiful! You are your own worst critic, remember. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, yes. I know.
Reply
:iconreyray:
ReyRay Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think all the great artists have that issue.
Reply
:iconmarashete:
Marashete Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Student General Artist
bah everything about this is gorgeous wow
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconshoeborn:
Shoeborn Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Student General Artist
Aw, we all have those periods.
I really liked
"girls with galaxies traveling
the length of their spines."
lovely word choice.
Reply
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