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Submitted on
July 10, 2013
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i have a buildup
of black holes
suffocating my arteries,
having swallowed down
the bitter taste of too many
girls with galaxies traveling
the length of their spines.

i ate them in mouthfuls,
gaping & sad like a binge
reaching for the skies-
unable to hold them all in.

i don’t think the universe
is as vast
& wondrous
as it used to be,
thriving
between the
intercostal spaces
of my ribs;

i am hungry.

& with a collection
of moon sighs
as a reminder
in my pockets,
i will just have to learn
how to calm this swollen
indigo pulse
                    while eating.
i don't know what to say about this one.
i'm just going to go hide now because i don't like anything i write anymore.
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:iconsleepingintheshadows:
First off I just want to say that I've always admired your style of writing. It's complex and evoking, mind-tingling, and all around inspirational. I love everything you write.

The way you piece words together to form these masterpieces is amazing. Somehow you bring ordinary, common words together in combinations that no on would ever think of and you create this vivid imagery and raw emotion that is so unique to your writing.

I particularly like this piece. I like how it flows and the way you played with the star related themes throughout the piece. I also like how you compare the emotions and actions of the piece to binge eating. It's a topic I personally have never seen addressed before and it's just so amazing how you've incorporated it here. There is such a desolate and unfortunate feeling surrounding this poem, yet the words evoke this melancholy but oh so awe inspiring thought of beauty.

Overall it's a gorgeous piece and I adore it. Please keep writing wonderful pieces of artwork like this.

:heart:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
28 out of 28 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbalonitoni999:
I, honest to god, think that is a wonderful and inspirational way to approach a serious topic like binge eating (or any eating disorder for that matter) I have a problem like this myself (eating disorder) and I think that this is a very descriptive and good way to describe it. I also love how you used that metaphor with the universe to express the hunger.

In my opinion this piece is very well written and impressive. I don't think that I could have written it any better myself. But remember- even with things on this website- use capitals! (Mostly for all those Grammar and spelling freaks ;) )
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
17 out of 17 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icongrowinluvhandles:
growinluvhandles Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Student Writer
This is just such a wonderful portrayal of so much that is so sad about our society.

Congrats on writing something so beautiful and so meaningful!

Thanks.
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:wow:

I really, really like how you take such serious and important topics such as binge eating (or, in the case of one of your other poems, self-harm) and create a poem that captures it in a really poetic way. The poem itself is beautifully written (you choose such beautiful words!), I really like the way you went about writing this. As always the imagery is breathtaking. I found it difficult to choose my favourite part of the poem, so I went with two:

"the bitter taste of too many
girls with galaxies traveling
the length of their spines."

and

"thriving
between the
intercostal spaces
of my ribs"

The only thing that I want to say, however, is that whilst your imagery is amazing, sometimes it seems that you spend so much time doing that that it takes a while for the reader to get the message. Does that make sense? Because I think that if you hadn't titled the piece 'binge eating' it would have taken me a few read throughs to get what this poem was about :) Just something for you to think about, I guess.

:heart:
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013   Writer
The description within this piece is amazing as it gives one the sense of the eating without being so obvious. I think that this is very well written.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconririfrenchfri:
Ririfrenchfri Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your a really amazing writer!
Reply
:icongrimmassassin:
GrimmAssassin Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the first stanza and the way you ended the poem.
Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013
You have such an amazing way if looking at things! This is wonderful!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icondarksonicsoul:
darksonicsoul Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You write from countless perspectives, write with the fingers of animals and gods and intangible concepts, and what comes pouring out is the ramblings and philosophy of the soul.
Reply
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