Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icondearpoetry: More from DearPoetry


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
September 3, 2013
File Size
1.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,948
Favourites
228 (who?)
Comments
48

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×


i fill my lungs with blackberries
& nicotine because it is the only way
I can stomach the taste.

a phoenix told me once
that he could teach me
how to burn properly,
as if scolding
had preferences

[ like the intercostal
 spaces of a ribcaged
 embrace.              ]

he fell in love
with my words
first,

before he knew
the height of my
cheekbones
or the annoying
sound of my laugh.

he said he could count
all my scars on one hand-

even the ones that wake me
at 3 am with an itch i swear
begs me to rip them open
again.

& i told him he could keep
his pretty words and fiery fingers
creatively away from me.

i am tired of smelling of hell
& ash when -
trust no one.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvagabondthoughts:
This is a beautiful piece.
Enchanting.
To me, good poetry is like a blanket on a cold day: I want to wrap myself up in it and somehow there's never enough of it.

You parenthetical phrase was absolutely stunning, and I really related to your speaker, though I've never actually felt that way myself.
Blackberries and nicotine: genius. Poetic genius.

I would like to offer some advice on how to make this better, but there's not really that much I can say. The ending left me wanting more, but that happens will most good poems, so it's nothing new.

This is absolutely fantastic.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
22 out of 22 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, so I know the title finishes the poem but at first I thought she burned up or he picked her up and stated flying and those are cool to think about to
Reply
:iconfall-like-angels:
Fall-Like-Angels Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
& i told him he could keep
his pretty words and fiery fingers
creatively away from me.

I love this. This is what makes the poem for me. It reminds me of an ex...all pretty words and fiery fingers. An honestly, I've probably commented on this before....but I have nothing to do in Speech, and your poetry is always the highlight of my day.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this is so nice to hear.  Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconpetite-soleil:
Petite-Soleil Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013
i really like this one
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconjoeybelle18:
JoeyBelle18 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
& i told him he could keep
his pretty words and fiery fingers
creatively away from me.

i LOVE that. and how the last sentence is unfinished, very creative. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The title finishes off the poem. :)
Reply
:iconthemorningtrain:
themorningtrain Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
Completely and indescribably fantastic. I read through this about five times before I realized the the title completes the poem! Creative, unique, both scolding a a tad self-deprecating- everything about this is genius. I love how you manage to work titles into your poetry as more than just a label. If you ever write a book of poetry, let me know, because I will be first in line! Wonderful, keep up the amazing work!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I am working on a book, thank you!
And I only work titles into my poems because I cant think of a title, ever. lol
Reply
:iconthemorningtrain:
themorningtrain Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014
Let me know the instant it comes out.
Reply
Add a Comment: