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awesome literature by darksonicsoul

DearPoetry by FoxofEbony


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Submitted on
September 3, 2013
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i fill my lungs with blackberries
& nicotine because it is the only way
I can stomach the taste.

a phoenix told me once
that he could teach me
how to burn properly,
as if scolding
had preferences

[ like the intercostal
 spaces of a ribcaged
 embrace.              ]

he fell in love
with my words
first,

before he knew
the height of my
cheekbones
or the annoying
sound of my laugh.

he said he could count
all my scars on one hand-

even the ones that wake me
at 3 am with an itch i swear
begs me to rip them open
again.

& i told him he could keep
his pretty words and fiery fingers
creatively away from me.

i am tired of smelling of hell
& ash when -
trust no one.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvagabondthoughts:
This is a beautiful piece.
Enchanting.
To me, good poetry is like a blanket on a cold day: I want to wrap myself up in it and somehow there's never enough of it.

You parenthetical phrase was absolutely stunning, and I really related to your speaker, though I've never actually felt that way myself.
Blackberries and nicotine: genius. Poetic genius.

I would like to offer some advice on how to make this better, but there's not really that much I can say. The ending left me wanting more, but that happens will most good poems, so it's nothing new.

This is absolutely fantastic.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
22 out of 22 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, so I know the title finishes the poem but at first I thought she burned up or he picked her up and stated flying and those are cool to think about to
Reply
:iconfall-like-angels:
Fall-Like-Angels Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
& i told him he could keep
his pretty words and fiery fingers
creatively away from me.

I love this. This is what makes the poem for me. It reminds me of an ex...all pretty words and fiery fingers. An honestly, I've probably commented on this before....but I have nothing to do in Speech, and your poetry is always the highlight of my day.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this is so nice to hear.  Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconpetite-soleil:
Petite-Soleil Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013
i really like this one
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconjoeybelle18:
JoeyBelle18 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
& i told him he could keep
his pretty words and fiery fingers
creatively away from me.

i LOVE that. and how the last sentence is unfinished, very creative. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The title finishes off the poem. :)
Reply
:iconthemorningtrain:
themorningtrain Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
Completely and indescribably fantastic. I read through this about five times before I realized the the title completes the poem! Creative, unique, both scolding a a tad self-deprecating- everything about this is genius. I love how you manage to work titles into your poetry as more than just a label. If you ever write a book of poetry, let me know, because I will be first in line! Wonderful, keep up the amazing work!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I am working on a book, thank you!
And I only work titles into my poems because I cant think of a title, ever. lol
Reply
:iconthemorningtrain:
themorningtrain Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014
Let me know the instant it comes out.
Reply
:iconghearradh:
ghearradh Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
stunning as always, dear.

if you made a book of your poetry i would buy it in a heartbeat.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm working on it, thank you~! :)
Reply
:iconsanddune798:
Sanddune798 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So many ways to end that final sentence.
I'm sorry for all you've been through, but if there is to be a silver lining, it's that all your crooked and painful experiences make for beautiful verse.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very true.
Reply
:iconruntofthelitter:
RuntOfTheLitter Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
SOME fish are 'keepers'. SOME you throw BACK in the water. KEEP FISHIN'! ROTL
Reply
:iconruntofthelitter:
RuntOfTheLitter Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
''trust no one.''

HELLO! A SAD life if above ALL the time. Can't catch 'fish' if you don't go to the 'lake' and throw the 'line' in the water. (smiles)



runtofthelitter.deviantart.com…

(A little something above from my FEEBLE gallery) ROTL

My BEST to you and yours.
Reply
:iconautumn-spirit:
autumn-spirit Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
the ending seems unfinished but I like the metaphors before that.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's not unfinished. :)  The title itself finishes the poem.
Reply
:iconcecegrace:
cecegrace Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow. This is so sad.
Reply
:iconburningseagulls:
BurningSeagulls Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
Every time you post something my day gets a lot better ;v; I know that it will always be amazing, no matter what.
This is beautiful!
Amazing work ;u;
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! It means a lot!
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hDZbr…

this just reminded me of my favorite phoenix. 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love love love that song! :)
Reply
:iconaerithechidna4rt:
AerithEchidna4rt Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow... o.o
Reply
:iconbluediamondsnow:
BlueDiamondSnow Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Freakin' amazing!
Reply
:iconjordie0710:
Jordie0710 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
That must've been awful:(
Reply
:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
Auch!
Beautiful, but damn, nobody should have to live through that! :hug:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and it's okay.
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry.

:heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Um, it's okay?
Reply
:icondarktsuki:
darktsuki Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
painful beauty! 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Student Writer
Hello! :wave:

I'm here to tell you that you were featured in our Weekly Inspirations journal!

Thank you, and keep creating!

:heart:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome, thanks! <3
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Student Writer
You're so welcome! :heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Student Writer
OH my gosh. This is so powerful.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Student Writer
:heart::heart:
Reply
:iconrae8892:
RAE8892 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the way you try and have readers picture things! Your imagery is stunning!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I love a good image.
Reply
:iconrae8892:
RAE8892 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very welcome :)
Reply
:icontarosmyr:
TarosMyr Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013   Writer
Pretty words and fiery fingers. Oh, man. That can be a lethal combination.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconhetaliarocks01:
hetaliarocks01 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It's so painfully beautiful.
Here's another hug.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconcarolyn7727:
Carolyn7727 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Student Writer
This is my favorite part

a phoenix told me once
that he could teach me
how to burn properly,
as if scolding
had preferences

I just love your imagery. And also, here's a hug.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconhawkheart29:
Hawkheart29 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm guessing a boy you trusted hurt you. I know what that feels like.
Reply
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