Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:icondearpoetry: More from DearPoetry


Featured in Collections


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
December 14, 2012
File Size
657 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,317
Favourites
230 (who?)
Comments
72
×
I'm choking
on the ink-dipped fingers
of verbs & metaphors
still lodged in this bruised,
paper crane throat;

the starving,
dead-flower scent
of your words,
still kissing my ribs.

How can you judge me-
when you don't bother
to read the naked poetry
beneath the temple of my flesh?

How long can butterfly
ankles hold up a
star-soaked frame?

Don't bother whispering
your secrets to nebulae,
not even the dust in my veins
will listen anymore.
I'm so tired of hearing I'm not good enough.
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:icontweehooligan:
tweehooligan Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
'how long can butterfly ankles hold up a star-soaked frame'
This ia a great line, simply beautiful, your whole writing style is mysterious, and longing, you are a great inspiration to me, and your art is so great!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much--that is always wonderful to hear! :) Glad to be of inspiration!
Reply
:iconpurplegrin:
purplegrin Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013
you write poetry because...

and i like this most :-)
Reply
:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wonderful use of metaphors! this was lovely to read.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconpersianmaple:
Persianmaple Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow that was heroic, 'dust in my veins..' well done, you took somewhere, not sure where but you took me.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hope it was somewhere good. :)
Reply
:iconmackennarose:
MacKennaRose Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Student General Artist
I want to write something, to tell you how good this is, how it speaks to me. How it speaks of me. But saying "this is beautiful" is not enough. Because it isnt, its more, and I cannot even begin to describe it.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh goodness, thank you! You are much too sweet!
Reply
:icondarkestnocte:
DarkestNocte Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That was... breathtaking. I don't know how else to define it.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
those last three stanzas are pretty much perfection.
<3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're welcome! (:
Reply
:iconhockaloo:
Hockaloo Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
Fantastic, as usual :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconmycatlikestuna:
mycatlikestuna Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student
What are you talking about? Your incredible! Seriously, your poetry is amazing!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:icondr-g-ravity:
Dr-G-Ravity Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
I this poem will stay with me for a long time in my life. Thank you for writing this!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, you're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconkaeldra-1:
Kaeldra-1 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
This is beautiful. You are good enough :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know. :)
Reply
:iconinfractusgrace:
Infractusgrace Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
I love this, its so beautiful and well written. Whoever said you're not good enough is clearly undeserving of you. If they can't appreciate your talent, you should find someone who does. Stay strong.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It hard when that someone is a family member, but yes, I do.
Reply
:iconblazinmoon:
Blazinmoon Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Stanza 4 speaks out to me the most. The weak ankles having to hold a heavy burden is something everyone can relate to. Especially me. The coldness in your heart definetly showed in this poem and I love how you spilt it all out. Im excited every time I see your work in my notifications.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I was quite upset when I wrote this.
Honestly glad it shows.
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconnomadsage:
NomadSage Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
Stellar! (To make a corny pun). But, no, quite good, stanza 4 is my favorite as well as the "nebulae" phrase. Too many poets, I feel, use metaphors of astral phenomena, like black holes, without understanding how those phenomena actually work. Happily, your poem is one big exception! It works perfectly, because gas is what nebulae are!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, yes--thank you! :)
Reply
:iconv-christsw3apon:
V-ChristsW3apon Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student
You are blessed with this gift of writing, my friend. Everyone is destined for greatness somewhere, and those who can't see it within themselves sometimes critize those who can see it. ^.^
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
True.
Reply
:iconsafsaf227:
safsaf227 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
A masterpiece~ I really love the last sentence.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconpenlender:
penlender Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
I enjoy the verbal play in this, but at times it reduces to meaninglessness; e.g. "the temple of my flesh"
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Meaninglessness, really? What right do you have to say that?
No verse is meaningless to a writer.
So, to me--especially that line, had a point.
Reply
:iconpenlender:
penlender Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
It was the way I perceived your line, I understood by your inviting criticism that you actually sought it. Never mind, it was a brilliant, awe inspiring and flawless poem.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
If you were going to give me a critique--at least tell me why you thought the line was so meaningless.
Reply
:iconsolaces:
Solaces Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Pardon my budding in here, but I must admit myself that I stumbled at this particular phrase. I can't put my finger on why exactly; the image just doesn't come together as well as it could.

If you want me to be completely honest, I do agree with :iconpenlender: that at points your playfulness with language becomes distracting to the point it robs the overall poem of any actual meaning or impact. I am not trying to be harsh here. Believe me when I say that I find you to be incredibly talented, with a quality of writing that far surpasses most of the dreck on this site. And it is this very reason that I would hate to see you fall into the trap of shying away from any form of negative feedback.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
We all shy a away from negative feedback.
However, if it is in a form of 'constructive criticism', then there is no need.
Thank you for your opinion, at least you took the time to explain yourself.
Reply
:icontrueshinken:
trueshinken Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Improve, then.
Negative criticism is a bitch, but you shouldn't let it bring you down. Keep moving forward. Prove them wrong.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm working on improving all the time.
That's not the problem.
It's when that negative feedback is coming from those closest to you that you end up feeling worthless.
Reply
:icontrueshinken:
trueshinken Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, that sucks, bro
Reply
:iconi-blixy:
I-Blixy Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's so deep. It's well written but sad :(
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, and I wasn't trying to make it too sad.
Reply
:iconkakashifan-lol:
Kakashifan-lol Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
Truly inspirational! Wow! :clap:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconkakashifan-lol:
Kakashifan-lol Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
:nod::wave:
Reply
:iconcaughtinthehurricane:
this is ... breathtaking. insane. amazing.
im in love<3
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconarbarac:
Arbarac Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
If you're tired of hearing you aren't good enough then turn to those who think the most of you. Poetry has always been and always will be one of those silly little things that to most people doesn't mean much, but to those that matter it will mean the world.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's hard when all that negative feedback is coming from those closest to you, honestly. And it's not just poetry, it's everything.
Reply
Add a Comment: