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Submitted on
December 27, 2012
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Rose blood
on her tongue
reminds her of yesterday's.
Lonely bones.
A heart's hoarded secrets,
love me pretties, &
scarlet letter dreams.
But
do these boys know
of the bitter winter
churning,
like a blizzard
in her veins?
The sharp edges
of half-empty
kisses,
or the crisscross
folding
of origami limbs?

Her eyes,
as deep &
unfeeling
as the ocean;
.
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:iconkeko-meko:
This is a marvelous piece of writing ~ I love the wording you chose, as well as the description of colours and emotions. It was very easy to feel as the narrator/individual felt; she's struggling with an inner battle, perhaps a battle between feelings, or thoughts. Only you as the writer know.

It's easy to see the view of this person, which is one thing a stupendous piece of literature requires.

I love your originality when considering this piece; it has me wondering, do you sell your poems? I sincerely hope so. They are truly wonderful pieces of art.

The impact was, and is, incredible.

Good job! :squee:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
21 out of 25 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconc-23:
Your words mesmerize the reader.
You know your sentences and you never fail to use them at the right moment. The story in this poem is as real as any fueled emotion in real life.
Life, when a supposed beauty is absent, can be a cruel place to dwell in. I get the picture right in the beginning, from the blood, to the end of the deep ocean.

I'm one of those that often like to visualize the words that comes before, and what impact they might have on the outcome of the sentence. Wheither it's concurrent or not with the initial meaning of the text, is not essential. The abstract and singular meaning of lonesome sentences can create their own story within a story.
Like the "... crisscross folding of origami limbs?" for example.

The originality might be threaten by the "rules" that comes of writing poems and alike. At a first glance, it really didn't catch my interest. Then I started reading...
In any case, your work is very good. Life appears and disappears within this poem. And with the above arguments, the impact hits you in the face.

This is poetry, people.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
24 out of 26 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconsandpiper28:
Sandpiper28 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Even as I read this,
the words ring about my head,
swirling,
and twirling in its etherial dance.

This poem you wrote was so good, it inspired me to write that.  U just made me get over my writers block!  
:happybounce: 
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yay!  I'm glad! :)
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:iconsakurav2257:
SakuraV2257 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013
I love this; I truly do.
Have you ever heard the quote, "A semicolon is where a sentence could have ended, but didn't?"
I thought of this when I saw the beautifully placed semicolon at the end. Thank you for your beautiful poetry.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! And yes--I have heard that before! :)
Reply
:iconalice524:
Alice524 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! I represent :iconPhotoLitLove: and we'd love it if you would submit this to our gallery, thankyouplease!
Reply
:iconalice524:
Alice524 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Whoops! Silly me. I meant the group :iconphoto-lit-love:
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:icondarklondondreams:
DarkLondonDreams Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
beautiful.
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconyahoolyafool:
YahoolYafool Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is very beautiful, you definitely painted a gorgeous picture with this. very well done :iconbravoplz:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
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