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Rose blood
on her tongue
reminds her of yesterday's.
Lonely bones.
A heart's hoarded secrets,
love me pretties, &
scarlet letter dreams.
But
do these boys know
of the bitter winter
churning,
like a blizzard
in her veins?
The sharp edges
of half-empty
kisses,
or the crisscross
folding
of origami limbs?

Her eyes,
as deep &
unfeeling
as the ocean;
.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkeko-meko:
This is a marvelous piece of writing ~ I love the wording you chose, as well as the description of colours and emotions. It was very easy to feel as the narrator/individual felt; she's struggling with an inner battle, perhaps a battle between feelings, or thoughts. Only you as the writer know.

It's easy to see the view of this person, which is one thing a stupendous piece of literature requires.

I love your originality when considering this piece; it has me wondering, do you sell your poems? I sincerely hope so. They are truly wonderful pieces of art.

The impact was, and is, incredible.

Good job! :squee:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
21 out of 25 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconc-23:
Your words mesmerize the reader.
You know your sentences and you never fail to use them at the right moment. The story in this poem is as real as any fueled emotion in real life.
Life, when a supposed beauty is absent, can be a cruel place to dwell in. I get the picture right in the beginning, from the blood, to the end of the deep ocean.

I'm one of those that often like to visualize the words that comes before, and what impact they might have on the outcome of the sentence. Wheither it's concurrent or not with the initial meaning of the text, is not essential. The abstract and singular meaning of lonesome sentences can create their own story within a story.
Like the "... crisscross folding of origami limbs?" for example.

The originality might be threaten by the "rules" that comes of writing poems and alike. At a first glance, it really didn't catch my interest. Then I started reading...
In any case, your work is very good. Life appears and disappears within this poem. And with the above arguments, the impact hits you in the face.

This is poetry, people.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
24 out of 26 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconsandpiper28:
Sandpiper28 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Even as I read this,
the words ring about my head,
swirling,
and twirling in its etherial dance.

This poem you wrote was so good, it inspired me to write that.  U just made me get over my writers block!  
:happybounce: 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yay!  I'm glad! :)
Reply
:iconsakurav2257:
SakuraV2257 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013
I love this; I truly do.
Have you ever heard the quote, "A semicolon is where a sentence could have ended, but didn't?"
I thought of this when I saw the beautifully placed semicolon at the end. Thank you for your beautiful poetry.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! And yes--I have heard that before! :)
Reply
:iconalice524:
Alice524 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! I represent :iconPhotoLitLove: and we'd love it if you would submit this to our gallery, thankyouplease!
Reply
:iconalice524:
Alice524 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Whoops! Silly me. I meant the group :iconphoto-lit-love:
Reply
:icondarklondondreams:
DarkLondonDreams Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
beautiful.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconyahoolyafool:
YahoolYafool Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is very beautiful, you definitely painted a gorgeous picture with this. very well done :iconbravoplz:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconyahoolyafool:
YahoolYafool Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem :D
Reply
:iconkaelamae:
kaelamae Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Writer
Simply Beautiful
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconbrzoza88:
Brzoza88 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:tux:
Reply
:iconblueeyedjuniper:
BlueEyedJuniper Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Just perfect :heart: well done :D
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconanime-art-freak579:
anime-art-freak579 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
Simply lovely. c:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconanime-art-freak579:
anime-art-freak579 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The language and imagery in this is mesermizing and beautiful. Wow... I am honestly speechless.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you. I wasn't sure where I was going with it at first, honestly. :)
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wasn't sure where you were going, but i eventually got it. That's the best part about poetry. Sometimes you don't have a clue what they're saying until the end!
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is deep, tragic, and haunting. I know your words will linger with me long after I've closed out of this poem. Wonderful job at painting such a portrait and using such original metaphors. My favorite is "origami limbs." Amazing poem!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, it means a lot coming from a great writer! :)
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Always! Thank you for the compliment!! :blush:
Reply
:iconxxhayleighhomocidexx:
xXHayleighHomocideXx Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
im not really a poetry fan but i really like this, its sad but very very good, i like the name and i know the feeling, but great writing.(x
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much.
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
captivating and emotional. Great work!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :heart:
Reply
:icontim0thytham:
tim0thytham Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow this is amazing I love it! Seriously! ^^
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconechosofsouls:
EchosOfSouls Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student
I really like this! I can relate the how she feels quite well. Thank you!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Um, you're welcome? Glad you like it and I'm sorry you can relate.
Reply
:iconechosofsouls:
EchosOfSouls Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Student
Don't be, it's life, :)
Reply
:iconmisstsukii:
MissTsukii Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Dear, DearPoetry, When I submitted my first poem here on dA, I came across your poems....i was very disappointed when i couldn't understand your piece. As, i saw many people appreciating and critiquing it. Who is a poet when she can't understand other poets? So, i made it my job to understand the feel and purpose of at least one of your poems as i saw that you are a very great poet. And today, I've reached that point. I could totally get this poem...it went straight into my heart.....I understood the purpose, feel and connection...and i felt even more happy when i read the title after i finished the verses. As, only then it molded into a beautifully sad story. Very creative. And thus, your works have given me limitless knowledge and very much needed experience.

Sorry for this almost became an essay.
Reply
:iconrinsha:
Rinsha Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Wow this is great! Love it
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconrinsha:
Rinsha Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Your welcom :D
Reply
:iconzoombiipanda:
ZoombiiPanda Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
    Love this!<3
    Amazing poetry (:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconinsertepicname-here:
InsertEpicName-here Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student General Artist
It's nice, but you can't end sentences with a semicolon; the semicolon's purpose is to link two phrases that could be sentences on their own.
Reply
:iconred-moon-rabbit:
red-moon-rabbit Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Perhaps the story hasn't ended.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, I know. It's there for a reason, as the poem is not finished. The title makes up the last line.
Reply
:iconmauro-goncalo:
mauro-goncalo Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Great work you've got there! Hope to see more...
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! Feel free to check out my gallery. :)
Reply
:iconmauro-goncalo:
mauro-goncalo Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
I will :D
Reply
:iconmauro-goncalo:
mauro-goncalo Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Great work you've got there!
Reply
:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist
Very nice
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
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