literature

she knows her paper cuts by name.

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DearPoetry's avatar
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Literature Text

Rose blood
on her tongue
reminds her of yesterday's.
Lonely bones.
A heart's hoarded secrets,
love me pretties, &
scarlet letter dreams.
But
do these boys know
of the bitter winter
churning,
like a blizzard
in her veins?
The sharp edges
of half-empty
kisses,
or the crisscross
folding
of origami limbs?

Her eyes,
as deep &
unfeeling
as the ocean;
.
© 2012 - 2024 DearPoetry
Comments106
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khyterra's avatar
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

Honestly, this would have been a lot better if you had paid attention to your grammar. "reminds her of yesterdays" is what the line should read, just like "A heart's". Apostrophes signify possession, not the plural.

Other than that, it's not the most original poem. It's standard fare when it comes to "deep," emotional response, and you use a few cliches in there. That ampersand right at the end of the line annoys me, as well--it's extremely jarring but serves no purpose.

All in all, it's not a terrible poem. You have potential. I'd just like to see it polished.