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:icondearpoetry: More from DearPoetry


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Submitted on
May 22, 2013
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730 bytes
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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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I’ve got this arrow
curled around my finger
like Apollo’s heart
& your nicknames
engraved on the inside
of my lungs.

I don’t want to write
pretty little stanzas
or pick at the seams
of your poetry
like some deadbeat
psychology major -

I want to
scribble profanities
all over everything;
shoot down your moon
& wear her
like a charm
around ink stained
wrists.

I want to
   take you
       to the stars,
                  & leave you there.
Featured: [link]
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:iconladyofthewrittenword:
I think, overall, that this poem is great and conveys your message well, but like ALL poetry, it can always use improvement. Some of the images are a little cliche, or are so close to being cliche that it diminishes the impact of the originality of the images and metaphors here.

I do think the poem has a good flow, and has the required closure at the end. So tweak it and send it back out into the world. I am sure it will go from good to great one day. I love where you're going with this, so surprise me.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
14 out of 19 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Student Writer
that is the most beautiful ending
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
incredible the way you seem to paint with words. :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconfriendlyneighbor:
friendlyneighbor Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
is the arrow a reference to a tatoo on your finger ?
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A ring shaped like an arrow. C:
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:iconx-pacman-x:
X-pacman-X Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
really beautiful poem~
i have a tattoo on my arm with tittle of your poem :)
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you--and that is really cool. :)
Reply
:iconx-pacman-x:
X-pacman-X Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconserenadetheasylum:
SerenadeTheAsylum Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! Not to say I understand the exact emotion behind your poetry, but i can definitely relate. Love it :)
Reply
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