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Submitted on
October 21, 2013
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            I think it’s selfish
      how I have compared
      every other kiss
      to yours.

            ( After all-
      good things don’t
      invite themselves into the lives
      of little girls who categorize
      their disorders by the scars
      on their wrists and who
      allow strangers to hang them
      from their necks like wishbones. )

            But, no one’s hands
      have ever staked claim
      to this scavenged wasteland
      like yours-
                  not even my own.

           And it’s hard to forget that;
      please forgive me.

           As you will always
      be the one who taught me
      that it’s okay to be sad.
Another poem from the secret series. I'm on a roll.

The secret: I cut myself for the first time since I’ve been with him.
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:iconcheshlytheepic:
I adore the title, and the contrast you're capable of making with the stanzas. Wishbones; only becoming relevant once or twice. Flowers; in the wasteland? I have a question. Where it says, "But no one's hands have ever staked claim to this scavenged wasteland like yours- not >ever< my own." Is there a typo?

I found myself really captured by the time I started the second stanza. This is a wonderful piece, dear.
As for criticism, I think you could've used more metaphors in the beginning. Towards the end, it gets more into the cavity of poetry, and complex. That's a good strategy, but I was thinking there could be that same depth throughout the entire piece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconunfuck-the-world:
The first stanza opens the poem well, and it ("how I have compared / every other kiss / to yours.") is certainly a subject many people have pondered alone, stuck in their thoughts, especially when there's a drastic change taking place (such as a new boyfriend, and the nostalgic memories brought up when reflecting on past relationships). Simple and effective, it makes the poem feel like the speaker's inward reflection (but we can't tell yet whether there are positive or negative feelings towards her subject).

The parenthetical stanza reinforces the idea of this being a poem about inner thoughts, but confused me for a while with the comparison to wishbones. I love the way this whole stanza is brushed off as "common knowledge" in the mind of the speaker; it creates the effect that the speaker is no stranger to pain, but is still optimistic enough to keep a level head when it comes to her condition (and that of others, implied by the plural "little girls").

The third stanza is my favourite for some reason or another. It rings a feeling of being completely open and unprotected to someone very close, and implies that the person the speaker is addressing holds a special place in the life of the speaker. It embodies submission and the belief in the ability of someone else to love you more than you do. That's a powerful concept to those who can't see themselves worth as much as the people around them do.

The next stanza asks for forgiveness form this person; a person who holds a special place of trust, and that him holding that status isn't easily overlooked. A boyfriend, a crush, or a best friend would all fit this well, which is one of the beautiful things about this piece.

The final stanza iterates a universal truth; found painfully by people who fight to be happy but the everyday mantra of those who are comfortable in their brokenness; that sometimes it's just easier to be sad. I re-read this stanza several times, allowing myself to remember the time when I discovered this to be true.

All in all, your poem has given me a powerful momentary reflection on the beliefs I hold. It emphasizes the beauty in brokenness and the dream that many have that someone will come along and fix them. I love all your work, and decided to read in-depth to this one because I felt it spoke to me the most. I hope I haven't misinterpreted much of this, but I believe the beauty in poetry comes in its ability to convey great emotion in simple words for everyone to interpret. You are a beautiful poet, and I hope to see more of your work <3
What do you think?
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:iconpixiewhispers:
PixieWhispers Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Beautiful
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:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
" good things don’t
invite themselves into the lives
of little girls who categorize
their disorders by the scars
on their wrists and who
allow strangers to hang them
from their necks like wishbones. )"
I know it's a long quote but I want to marry this poem
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The amazing thing about this piece is that each word has so much impact. Your writing styles still continues to amaze me, you obviously choose your words so carefully; you can really tell as you read through the piece. My favourite part is:

"But, no one’s hands
have ever staked claim
to this scavenged wasteland
like yours- 
           not even my own."

(Just another example of your talent!)

I also read through the other comments, especially the ones about you romanticising self-harm. Personally, I didn't read this poem as you romanticising anything. Sometimes people are sad and do things they shouldn't - that's what people do! And I think you captured that well. :heart:
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:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is wonderful
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconbellagbear:
BellaGBear Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The last line especilly holds something profoundly sad. Very good job!
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsognatoreviolento:
SognatoreViolento Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
This is beautiful.  I understand.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
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