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awesome literature by darksonicsoul


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Submitted on
October 21, 2013
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† † † † † † I think it’s selfish
† † † how I have compared
† † † every other kiss
† † † to yours.

† † † † † † ( After all-
† † † good things don’t
† † † invite themselves into the lives
† † † of little girls who categorize
† † † their disorders by the scars
† † † on their wrists and who
† † † allow strangers to hang them
† † † from their necks like wishbones. )

† † † † † † But, no one’s hands
† † † have ever staked claim
† † † to this scavenged wasteland
† † † like yours-
† † † † † † † † † not even my own.

† † † † † †And it’s hard to forget that;
† † † please forgive me.

† † † † † †As you will always
† † † be the one who taught me
† † † that it’s okay to be sad.
Another poem from the secret series. I'm on a roll.

The secret: I cut myself for the first time since I’ve been with him.
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:iconcheshlytheepic:
I adore the title, and the contrast you're capable of making with the stanzas. Wishbones; only becoming relevant once or twice. Flowers; in the wasteland? I have a question. Where it says, "But no one's hands have ever staked claim to this scavenged wasteland like yours- not >ever< my own." Is there a typo?

I found myself really captured by the time I started the second stanza. This is a wonderful piece, dear.
As for criticism, I think you could've used more metaphors in the beginning. Towards the end, it gets more into the cavity of poetry, and complex. That's a good strategy, but I was thinking there could be that same depth throughout the entire piece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconunfuck-the-world:
The first stanza opens the poem well, and it ("how I have compared / every other kiss / to yours.") is certainly a subject many people have pondered alone, stuck in their thoughts, especially when there's a drastic change taking place (such as a new boyfriend, and the nostalgic memories brought up when reflecting on past relationships). Simple and effective, it makes the poem feel like the speaker's inward reflection (but we can't tell yet whether there are positive or negative feelings towards her subject).

The parenthetical stanza reinforces the idea of this being a poem about inner thoughts, but confused me for a while with the comparison to wishbones. I love the way this whole stanza is brushed off as "common knowledge" in the mind of the speaker; it creates the effect that the speaker is no stranger to pain, but is still optimistic enough to keep a level head when it comes to her condition (and that of others, implied by the plural "little girls").

The third stanza is my favourite for some reason or another. It rings a feeling of being completely open and unprotected to someone very close, and implies that the person the speaker is addressing holds a special place in the life of the speaker. It embodies submission and the belief in the ability of someone else to love you more than you do. That's a powerful concept to those who can't see themselves worth as much as the people around them do.

The next stanza asks for forgiveness form this person; a person who holds a special place of trust, and that him holding that status isn't easily overlooked. A boyfriend, a crush, or a best friend would all fit this well, which is one of the beautiful things about this piece.

The final stanza iterates a universal truth; found painfully by people who fight to be happy but the everyday mantra of those who are comfortable in their brokenness; that sometimes it's just easier to be sad. I re-read this stanza several times, allowing myself to remember the time when I discovered this to be true.

All in all, your poem has given me a powerful momentary reflection on the beliefs I hold. It emphasizes the beauty in brokenness and the dream that many have that someone will come along and fix them. I love all your work, and decided to read in-depth to this one because I felt it spoke to me the most. I hope I haven't misinterpreted much of this, but I believe the beauty in poetry comes in its ability to convey great emotion in simple words for everyone to interpret. You are a beautiful poet, and I hope to see more of your work <3
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconpixiewhispers:
PixieWhispers Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Beautiful
Reply
:iconphan5everx2:
Phan5everx2 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
" good things don’t
invite themselves into the lives
of little girls who categorize
their disorders by the scars
on their wrists and who
allow strangers to hang them
from their necks like wishbones. )"
I know it's a long quote but I want to marry this poem
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The amazing thing about this piece is that each word has so much impact. Your writing styles still continues to amaze me, you obviously choose your words so carefully; you can really tell as you read through the piece. My favourite part is:

"But, no one’s hands
have ever staked claim
to this scavenged wasteland
like yours- 
           not even my own."

(Just another example of your talent!)

I also read through the other comments, especially the ones about you romanticising self-harm. Personally, I didn't read this poem as you romanticising anything. Sometimes people are sad and do things they shouldn't - that's what people do! And I think you captured that well. :heart:
Reply
:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is wonderful
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconbellagbear:
BellaGBear Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The last line especilly holds something profoundly sad. Very good job!
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsognatoreviolento:
SognatoreViolento Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
This is beautiful.  I understand.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ohhh lordy this resonates. stunning work.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconvictorgardel:
VictorGardel Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013
soft and sharp at the same time :thumbs up:
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconcecegrace:
cecegrace Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, I think I agree with Budgiie but the effect this has is nice.
Reply
:iconsearingblaze000:
SearingBlaze000 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
in general, i agree with Budgiie, it's better not to romanticize self harm but... this is quite well written and the poetic effect is very nice... I like the flow of this poem... it's okay to be sad, just try not to go overboard :) good work 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I was basically implying that this person has someone they can go to, someone who loves them.
A lot of the secrets can be triggering, but I'm also trying to help, not harm.
Reply
:iconsearingblaze000:
SearingBlaze000 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I understand :) Like I said, the poem is beautifully written - it conveys what you're trying to say very well, I think :) 
Reply
:iconbudgiie:
Budgiie Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Student General Artist
a poem:
please
please stop romanticizing self-harm
you
you are reaching impressionable young teenagers
and telling them it's okay to take frustrations out on their body
stop
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Actually, no I'm not. I'm showing someone wonderful has come into this persons life and we all make mistakes. It is okay to be sad. 
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:icontoadadventure:
ToadAdventure Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
A+ owo
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:iconkennyfiddler:
Kennyfiddler Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Professional Photographer
DA is just full of dreadful poetry... this, however, is amazing! Beautiful, and I can tell that it's true, which is the essence of great poetry.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! 
Reply
:iconfeatherling:
featherling Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Student Writer
It's so powerful. I love it :hug:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconninamazeo:
NinaMazeo Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Professional General Artist
Your words are delicate and flow so naturally... I love it! +favlove
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsilverthornofagirl:
silverthornofagirl Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is so incredible 
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsilverthornofagirl:
silverthornofagirl Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome :) 
Reply
:iconmilestailsprower-007:
MilesTailsPrower-007 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is really lovely, wow. I adore the last verse.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconjake-kodicho:
Jake-Kodicho Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist
Every time I read your work I just...guh.  Your words always reach inside me somehow
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ouch. ;)
Reply
:iconoviedomedina:
oviedomedina Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013
Amazing.
The second stanza stands out, in my opinion.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's what I was going for, thank you! C:
Reply
:iconmelalina:
Melalina Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Professional General Artist
Beautiful and sensitive expression, as always. You manage to pack so much feeling into so few words.
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. It's kind of become my trademark. Lol
Reply
:iconleongeds:
Leongeds Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This is truly incredible. Beautiful.
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconpepper131361:
pepper131361 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is amazing and beautiful and i adore these words..
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
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