literature

We're all mad here.

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DearPoetry's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

God's biggest mistake,
She sanded away
layerafterlayerafterlayer
just to see her wishbones.
Calling boys peaches,
hoping they'd taste
just as sweet—
Mad cats and top hats
had her questioning
her own rose garden reality.
Because upside down
is right side up,
and holy rollers think her
much too butch for her own good.
As she prefers lipstick kisses
over slithering tongues.
Opps, well I guess I'm much to butch for you, sir.

This shocks me: [link]
© 2012 - 2024 DearPoetry
Comments25
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not-an-emo-girl942's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

The touches of whimsical strangeness that you carry throughout this piece are very much reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland, which is wonderful. It really hilights how confusing and strange discovering your sexuality really is.

Though not a reference that many will immediatly catch on to, "Mad cats and top hats" is a simple and also impactful line. It brings in that Alice feel, and can also be taken as a synonym for the "holy rollers" you mention later. It is a beautiful choice of words for that moment.

The sweet childlike quality you give to sexuality is rather refreshing. It's so common now to see an artist focus on sexuality as very physical, or to merely concentrate on love as a "pure" emotional force. But you have taken even some of the physical sides of romance, and given them a quality of childlike innocence with this Alice emulating piece.

On the downside, there are a couple of lines that can sort of lose touch with the reader. In particular the fourth and last lines both have this kind of dissonance. In line four, it is really the use of the word "wishbones" that sets off the line. Because of the typical Thanksgiving turkey connotations, it may seem off to readers. In the last line, it is the fact that "sloppy tongues" does not provide a stark contrast with "lipstick kisses" in terms of the gender/sex of this partner. A much clearer comparison with something like facial hair could be used.